Blog Talk to Steph

Talk To Steph – LET GO THAT EGO!

Dear Steph,

 MY HUSBAND’S EGO IS RUINING OUR RELATIONSHIP. I met my husband at my office where we both work, when we started dating, it was supposed to be just a fling, so we kept it from friends and family, but it blossomed and we fell in love. When we decided to get married, we both agreed I will leave the company because it’s against the company’s policy for a married couple to work under the same company. Just a few weeks to our wedding, I got a promotion and my salary became double of my husband’s in the process. Now the company has given one of us 2 months to resign and my husband insists I do so because of our agreement. I know we agreed but we could use the money. I don’t want to resign so I asked my husband to resign instead, he has been treating me like venom ever since, we just got married, yet it is so sour already, how do I handle this situation?

Let’s jump in with some good advice SL Fabz

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  • Reply
    Franklin Chidiebere
    August 3, 2013 at 3:50 am

    Cmon, u can reapply to another company, and resign for him. He is supposed to provide for d family not u… But on d Oda hand d person with d lower position should resign..

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 5:11 am

    If your goal is to have a satisfying marriage with longevity,you guys both agreed you will resign make sure you are accountable for the part you play in the relationship, good or bad. When you are in denial about your part in the relationship then you are no better than a child flinging sand at another child in a sandbox. rules are rules i really respect that, When you take responsibility for your part in the marriage, only then will you be able to connect with your partner in a mature, intimate way. Is not about the money, is about the connection between you guys. money wont bring happiness its love. so please respect your agreement and resign and have a happy married life.

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 6:03 am

    my advice to you, since your husband whom u love somuch says you sould resign then do it. Because he is ur head, think about this very well before u take ur decision on this matter so that it will not riun ur marriage. God hate divource. Thank u

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 6:10 am

    D first question here is, Does he really Loves you? Because as a man in a situation like dis, he shld be considerate, come to think of it, does he have alternative for you, cos after resigning what next? Well, my sister if u think u need to be submissive to your hubby here have thought of what happens afterwards, cos his ego to be dis scary automatically when you are jobless a lot more awaits you. So my advice is dat u bought should come to an agreement calmly n let him draw out a visible plan and an alternative source of income for u after resigning. But if you couples are christians y not talk to God about this and let him lead u right, there is absolutely nothing we can do without God. Harken to God direction and u will experience joy in your marriage.

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 6:17 am

    U make d choice, btween ur job n ur marriage, if u think ur job is more important than ur marriage. Pls be wise. Ur husband is d man of d house so u can quit and look for another job. Pls be careful cos money is the root of all evil.

  • Reply
    Saint Polycarp
    August 3, 2013 at 6:37 am

    Under no circumstance should the wife make a final decision when it comes to matters that affect the whole family especially when the husband doesn’t concur to it. Let’s get this straight, a husband is the family, with or without money. Its about time women begin to realize that fact..she shouldn’t become bossy all of a sudden because of ordinary salary increment, the husband still maintains the most potent jurisdiction in this matter, I mean unless if the woman is kranky..

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 7:01 am

    Hi ma, thanks for given me the opportunity to contribute to this issue..I think this is a very simple thing because you sworn an oath before GOD to be humble and submissive to your husband and if you want to do GOD’s will has he has told you to do,just resign and let your husband retain the job.I do not care if your salary was trippled,all i care is you do the right thing ..GOD help you as you take a step of faith.Thanks

  • Reply
    kenny albert
    August 3, 2013 at 7:39 am

    I tink u shld quit instead cos its obvious ur husband is not redy to, and moreova u agred b4 d promotion. Ur family wil survive it, u both wil manage sumhow,but u have to for peace to reign in ur new home. May God see u through

  • Reply
    Uche Mbaogu
    August 3, 2013 at 8:07 am

    Sweetheart, marriage is all about compromise ooo even if u r currently earning more, I think u shld stick to ur initial agreement & resign @ least u cld search for another job! I’m sure he knows how much u r earning but it doesn’t matter, u might call him proud or wat ever but pls don’t let dis issue destroy ur marriage! Just humble itself & resign den watch God do d rest trust God. Just resign.

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 8:11 am

    Your husband is a selfish man with too much pride. If he loves you that much, he would give up his job and get a job somewhere else knowing you both need the bonus that comes with your job. He selfish and if you can, kick his ass and live your life.

  • Reply
    Obasi amuchechi
    August 3, 2013 at 9:17 am

    The man should resign and start up a business.from months to months the wife should always support the man with a reasonable amount of money .

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 9:24 am

    for me dear i would say your the greedy one, u guys have made an agreement regardless of the promotion, i ask; if you were already in that position that u are promoted to and he asked that u guys get married and one has to leave the company, it means u wudnt cos of the position that u are? if you loved him u wud be more concerned about preserving the marriage by leaving than fighting to revert what you guys already agreed on. am sorry but i dont think you love him enough to have married cos i dont think this should be an issue in the first place….instead of EGO all i see i greed, and its not like ur husband is not working or u guys have kids already that wud mandate more financial responsibility, you guys just wedded, lets cut the chase woman if you agreed with ur husband to quite and u got promoted, talk to him if he insist that u leave the company as agreed then just do that. its not ego but greed and love for money and power that’s keeping you. think about it.

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 9:46 am


  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 10:37 am

    I dnt knw d factors dat made both of agree dat u ll b d 1 to resign but since u agreed u av to keep ur end of d agreement. I av a frnd wit similar case though d couple r yet 2 marry but my frnd had stood her ground dat she wont be d 1 to resign cos d guy has beta chances of getting a job else where.

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 11:55 am

    The story os not complete. You said and I quote: “I don’t want to resign so I asked my husband to resign instead”. Did he resign? If yes, then you should also include – and he resigned. This is for your readers and every layman out there.

    However, I think you didn’t know the man you married, if you actually did, then he won’t be so angry at whatever circimstance since marriage is for better for worst, rich or poorer …

    I can’t come to a conclusion until I get the full storyline.

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    Pls my dear, don’t resign,ur husband should be d one, when he truly love u, he will suport u.

  • Reply
    enyinnaya chinonso
    August 3, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Dis man does nt want to rely on u,he wants 2 be an asset nt a liability

  • Reply
    Eigbobo Tina
    August 3, 2013 at 4:29 pm

    my dear im not married and hope to soon..i think the best thing for you is to resign despite the promotion and salary increment.God would provide something better for you and you guys would be happy again but for now to keep your home pls resign and dnt let the devil in so early.God bless dear

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 9:22 pm

    wow! this is some situation, but as a man, i would say resign, it wil be better for your marriage because no man wants to depend on his woman. it will streghten your marriage

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 9:25 pm

    it’s like this person is telling my story, thank god i resigned, it would have ruined my marriage. my dear, you had better resign o, a man always want to feel in charge but if he has to stay at home while you work, he will only resent you later

  • Reply
    August 3, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    that guy doesn’t have sense o, but if that’s what will keep him happy, my dear! you got no choice

  • Reply
    August 4, 2013 at 2:48 am

    LOL typical men behaviour.. If it’s me, I wouldnt resign because what if he leave me eventually?he should go find another job perhaps better paying…

  • Reply
    Nnebedum Nkiru bravery
    August 4, 2013 at 4:07 am

    A man ℓ̊Ƨ̷̜̩̌̋ always a man no matter what. A man ℓ̊Ƨ̷̜̩̌̋ the head of the family, the bread winner of the home & the wife ℓ̊Ƨ̷̜̩̌̋ a mere supporter. Now let me ask, how will u feel leaving home for work while he ℓ̊Ƨ̷̜̩̌̋ at home doing house cores? How will u feel giving him money for his needs? Let’s be reasonable here cos am a woman & know how much most of us can endure, when a woman starts taking the responsibilities of a man, he automatically looses his respect & worth as a man, M̶̲̥̅γ̲̣̣̥ D̲̅ε̲̣̣̣ǎ̜̣̍® writer, do the right thing & save U̶̲̥̅̊я marriage cos even those of U̶̲̥̅̊я friends advising u will do anything to save their homes. Lastly U̶̲̥̅̊я husband ℓ̊Ƨ̷̜̩̌̋ a REAL man, hard working & willing to put food on U̶̲̥̅̊я table cos if he ℓ̊Ƨ̷̜̩̌̋ lazy & greedy, he’ll stay back & feed on u with reasons u know perfectly know. Take this or leave it, u might be surprise that U̶̲̥̅̊я on a trial to know if u’ll be fidel to U̶̲̥̅̊я agreement no matter the increment. U̶̲̥̅̊я CEO might have called him to know who’ll resign & he gave him U̶̲̥̅̊я word with confidence that u luv him & no matter the amount added to U̶̲̥̅̊я salary that u’ll resign. Now u failed him bc of U̶̲̥̅̊я greed. Amend U̶̲̥̅̊я way, do the right thing & let peace reign in U̶̲̥̅̊я home. XoXo……

  • Reply
    August 4, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    The lady should resign, nothing more than that,if she really want peace in her home.thank u.

  • Reply
    August 4, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    i can’t possibly allow my wife work while i stay home, you have no choice than to resign, the management of that company is playing games, why increase your salary double his own just a few weeks to your wedding?

  • Reply
    August 5, 2013 at 9:59 am

    Hmmm this is a tough one, because both of you had a previous agreement. I think initially both of you would have discussed and made an agreement on who should resign based on who had better prospects within the company and not based on gender or culture. I personally think the man should resign I mean you guys are a newly married couple and as she rightly mentioned, it’s a tough economy out there. I understand how he feels but think about it, even though he resigns she is still earning two peoples salaries while he figures out what to do. you never know he may find something that will enrich his life better and that of his family.

  • Reply
    Candy Rex
    August 5, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    The wise thing for you to do is resign. Apart from the fact that u agreed to resign b4 the promotion, you are still supposed 2 resign especially since he says so. He is the man;its his job to love you and provide for you (& of course your unborn kids), and he wants to do just that;…and it is your job to support him and be submissive. your husband is a man. I know you need the money. If you had a job waiting for him maybe it would be considerable since you are sure he won’t be staying home or hunting for a long time. But the truth is, if he resigns and doesn’t get something doing fast things will never be the same. your husband will never be happy to sit at home and be getting money from u. You on the other hand might take advantage of that and insult him one day, directly or indirectly, and then you’ll realise that your ‘doubled salary’ is not all it takes to make a home happy. My advice to you is to submit to your husband’s wish, pray to God to bless him and bless you too with a good job. I know its a difficult decision, but I know you love him enough to make that sacrifice; so go ahead and don’t ever regret it no matter what your friends or colleagues say to you. Love is a beautiful feeling, nothing is worth our throwing it away. Wish you the best of luck.

  • Reply
    August 5, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    to me is a very simple one, yes you have agreed but its all about understanding, they should go back to their bedroom and put heads togather as the loving and understanding family they are and come out with a good solution.

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