1. The Scourge of Slut-Shaming
Slut-shaming is incredibly – and regrettably – prevalent. It takes many forms, making it one of the biggest ways women shame other women. In fact, girls are shaming other girls. This type of shaming knows no age limits. I think we’ve probably all called someone slutty, whether it’s a random girl in a short skirt or the woman at work who talks about the guys she dates. The thing is, what business is it of mine or yours or anyone’s to pass judgment? Does it make us feel better to berate another woman because she has one night stands? Or would it be better to maybe ask why, to consider if there’s a deeper reason? Even if there’s not, even if a woman is just a sensual, sexual being who enjoys sex, is it our place to call her a slut?
2. The Bitchy Beat down
Since I’ve been known to call out bitchy behavior myself, I’m going to be totally upfront here: in some cases I subscribe to the Mo’Nique philosophy, meaning that if, at some point, I am acting like a bitch, knowingly and with bitchiness aforethought, then that’s what the eff I need to be called. I’m okay with that, although your mileage may vary. In my experience, however, bitch-shaming for no real reason occurs when a woman is powerful, strong, confident, sexy, beautiful, smart, and successful. Sometimes, when a woman is perceived as a threat in any way, she’s branded a bitch out of turn.
3. Body Image Bashing
Fat-bashing, skinny-bashing, boob-bashing, butt-bashing … I hate seeing women shame each other for their body types. Fat-shaming is more mainstream, in that people seem to talk about it more and to consider it perfectly okay, but body image bashing knows no weight or shape. The thing is, true beauty doesn’t have a weight or a shape either. The need to put someone down based on the numbers on a scale, the cups on her bra, or the size of her ass is superficial and unnecessary. Since I do adore quoting Mean Girls, let me ask you this: does calling another woman fat make you feel thinner? Does putting down a skinny woman make you lose weight?
4. Success Equals Sex
Going back to the bitch quotient, it’s also becoming something of a trend to shame women for their success. You’ve heard it before, I bet. A woman gets a promotion, a raise, a bonus, and suddenly the whole office is whispering about how she must have slept with the boss. It even happens in high schools and colleges. A girl gets an excellent grade, and people start gossiping about what kind of “extra credit” she’s getting from the professor. Since when did success become something to demean?
5. You Are What You Wear
One of the worst ways women shame other women is by judging them based on their clothes. Their clothing choices can, in fact, lead to slut-shaming, body image shaming, or sexuality shaming. If you wear clothing from thrift stores, you’re poor; if you wear designer clothes, you’re a snob; short skirts make you slutty. The judgments don’t stop but clothes don’t mean anything. They don’t define a person.
6. A Minor Difference of Opinion
Sometimes women are shamed simply because they like something out of the ordinary, or don’t like a popular trend. Women will shame other women who don’t agree with them, simply because they’re sure they’re right. It might come down to something as innocuous as a book, a band, or a movie. What you like could make you slutty, stupid, too mainstream, a hipster, a Goth, a bitch. When does it stop?
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of any of the shaming tactics mentioned here, or tactics I didn’t mention, you know how much it hurts and how much trouble it can cause. Bullying is such a widespread issue, and this is an extension of it. I think it’s important to support other women whenever possible, not compete with them or judge them. Because what’s the point, really? How does it help you? Let me know if you’ve ever been shamed by other women, talk about how it made you feel, and remember all the while that you are beautiful. culled allwomenstalk
Share your thoughts
xoxo
SL
20 Comments
Racheal
June 28, 2013 at 4:25 amU r Sooooooo on point Lady Steph. I Once dated a younger guy (3years younger than myself) and the talk just wouldn’t stop. The Guy got to his breaking point and we had to break up for peace to reign. I really felt Bad cos I really loved him. That wasn’t a good experience. Wouldn’t wish dat 4 any1, not even my enemies. It left me Unhappy 4 a long time
Titi
June 28, 2013 at 4:26 amReal nice, meanigful and totally true. Thanks for sharing.
In my opinion though, clothes “should” mean something. They may not seem too anymore but they are meant to. Clothes are to be a physical way of expression, without anywords or guestures. One’s dress sense is meant to be an attempt of reflection of the person’s inner most self. Even the colours, and a few other things in a dress matter, the colours either mirror your feelings or influence them. The fact that we do not see it that way,don’t mean they do not have any effect.
ify
June 28, 2013 at 4:51 amI totally agree with titi…clothes Aя̲̅ε̲̅ the physical expression of the inner self…yea ve bin called a snob,bcuz i ve ∫úƨƫ few friends,bt dnt gist with my neighbours around..bt the thing is,i dnt tnk this will totally stop, but i think it can reduce in a way
megan
June 29, 2013 at 12:40 pmbut what happens if you don’t have money to buy an expensive suit for an interview? I Believe as long as you are neat and put together, you don’t have to be a mannequin! and wear all the trends and people shouldn’t judge you based on that
Bimz
June 28, 2013 at 4:51 amThis is so true! Women just beefed each other or rather put shamed each other for no reason! It cud be cos she is more beautiful than you are, carries more poise dan u are or even becos she just got things going on smoothly for her. But what can we do? My take is just keep being ursef and don’t give a hoot on what anyone says…. @Rachael am in a similar dilema. A guy a year younger than is so much and crazily in love wt me up to d point of proposing marriage to me! But my dear am so sceptical abt whta pple wl say and all dat! But does it really matter? So women let’s learn to mind our business and let other women enjoy and have peace of mind around us. Thanks Steph
Esther
June 28, 2013 at 5:49 amYou are so very right steph my so called female friend always remind me how badly shaped my body is and my nose as well, sometimes I cry my eyes out anytime she disgraces me in public,now I choose to be left alone aways indoor so that someone will not pick on me again
megan
June 29, 2013 at 12:42 pmyou should give her a big punch to help her shape that nose of her that is sooo perfect and tell her to lose your no, she doesn’t deserve to be ur friend, bitch
AGE
June 28, 2013 at 6:25 amU’re absolutely right. I’ve been concerned myself about d rate pple use d ‘B’ word nd d ‘F’ word these days.
I concluded dat ‘Girls/Women’ HATE demselves dat’s d reason d ‘B’ word came in2 existence. The women folk may pretend they ar fightin for each other’s course but d honest truth is
Somwher deep we despise each other. It takes those who are spirit filled ie havin d spirit of God nd d fear of God in their hearts, only these kind of women wuld treat u fairly.
Steph one just av to associ8 oneself wit women who av d wisdom of God nd not of d world, women whose reverence for God wil stop them from hurtin their neighbor,
Women who av understandin nd maturity. Thank u.
crxty
June 28, 2013 at 7:07 amTrue talk Steph, mine is d office where i work, anything i do i try to make it perfect even though we are not perfect but my boss & his wife is a family that appreciate anything good, so now my co-works are calling me names
comfort
June 28, 2013 at 7:13 amBut women don’t ned 2 go naked to luk beautiful, no when you see some ladies it so annoyin u weep 6 them. At a supermarket I witness one who’s pants was outside as a result of d short top she wore calling it a dress. “Her pink coloured pants was seen by everyone” huh! People made a mockery of her until she left d supermarket wit shame. Hey ladies must b decent in order not 2 b bulled.
stephaniedaily
June 28, 2013 at 2:05 pmYou are right Comfort. Decency is the key
oshi Rachek
June 28, 2013 at 8:32 amU are right dear Steph, blv its d way its bn said that matters cos d issue ƒ hw u dress is very vital,another woman’s dressing can embarrass other women,its important to watch that too nd d issue ƒ success is seen as climbing wrongly cos ƒ some ladies that do it wtout shame or secrecy, blv u shld protect ur relationship whether wrong or right nd also have d fear ƒ God so u can check urself before others do.But also for those judging others u shld judge urself first nd most importantly correct others wt wisdom so u can achieve result instead ƒ shaming them.
modesta Nwani
June 28, 2013 at 8:32 amyou made points there my first lady.
really we women we make use of our mouth wrongfully.
But thank God things are really changing for good that women are now @ the higher percentage than what the used to be.
mona smith
June 28, 2013 at 9:52 amthat is so ture steph,thanks for sharing this with us,i once got a job from one company and people started saying that i slept with the boss to get the job,because there were so many ladies at the interview and he didnt pick any of them, why me.To the extent that my husband heard of it,and he wasnt comfortable with me working with the guy so i had to quit the job.
FRANCIS GRACE
June 28, 2013 at 10:01 amWao! dis is really true and all ladies experience it either way. as for me, i’ve judged and i’ve been judged. its part of d woman’s/human’s nature, just dat so many ladies take it to d extreme length.
wot we wear says alot and/or a little abt us. it just depends on d kind of person we are. e.g, wen i feel sad, i dress like am d happiest person on earth going to a celebrities party. but wen ma sister feels sad, its written all over her lik she’s gonna kill sombody.
so, its just who we are!
tanks sis Steph, u’re always a darling.
iMAGE EDGE AFRICA
June 28, 2013 at 10:27 amStephanie you speak volumes here. The natural propensity for shaming amongst women has gone rooftops. However, saying what they does not matter, is too huge for comfort. It damn well matters and you know it. Every time we dress up, we transfer our inner personalities, feelings, mood, etc, into what we wear! The Contemporary has thrown virtue and decorum off the door, now African women prefers to Keep with the Kardashians and become E potatoes. Image is Everything and outward expression is the starting point for image appreciation.
Stephanie, you are this successful partly because we all perceive you as prim and proper, we see you in public and we’re proud of what we see, we do not cringe.
Women stop the shaming. Cheers
NGOZI
June 28, 2013 at 3:32 pmThanks Steph, i got a job and my boss n the male staffs like me to an extend the married men among then was dey wish dey saw me b4 marriage n now my female colleague are call me all sought of names pls can advice will u give me bec am fed up.
nononesense
July 2, 2013 at 5:39 amWe call it hatin’ . Women do this a lot because of lack of self-esteem.
All reasons for shaming a basiscally true and I agree with most except……you are what you wear.
Secure and successful women gotta realize: we don’t need to ooze sex appeal every moment of the day to Be BEautiful. But, to a very large extent, we wear to display and make up for what we lack on the inside and that is security.
ldj8912
July 11, 2013 at 11:50 pmThank you so much for writing this article. This article put a name to a bad behavior that I participate in daily “body image bashing”. If I see another girl who has a smaller waist line than me, I find myself being jealous of her and in turn I find something negative about her. So I will make comments like,” well she has no boobs”, or “her butt is flat you cant tell the difference between her butt and her back”. Or “she needs a cheeseburger so she can gain some weight”. I must sadly admit that after I say these comments to myself or to my friends, I do feel better about myself. I feel that because she has what I consider flaws, that she is no better than me. But the reality is that this type of thinking does nothing for me. I may temporarily feel better because I have found fault in the small waist girl’s body (i.e. she has no boobs or butt); however, I continue to have a larger waistline, and I continue to make lifestyle choices that contribute to my larger waistline. I guess it is much easier for me to pay attention to what I consider are flaws about her instead of paying attention to flaws about myself that I can change through diet and exercise. Well no more, I will no longer continue to body image bash my small waist sisters, I will celebrate all body types including my own because I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God, so that along makes me beautiful and my body beautiful.
Daniella Goodness
February 20, 2015 at 7:06 pmi hav learnt alots of lessons herein. i ve got to amend my ways too. tnks to Steph…n al of ya dat commented…dis post is indeed for matured mind…u ve alwayz been my role model@SL..u r indeed an icon.