I’m in love with this guy. We’ve been dating for a year now. I am 28 and he is 31. He hasn’t proposed yet but he is someone I really wish to spend the rest of my life with and we love each other so much.
In the 10th month of our relationship, we discovered that we are both of the AS Genotype.
He was the one who discovered it and we decided to end the relationship but it couldn’t work. We parted ways for some weeks and came back again because we couldn’t do without each other. Right now, I am still in the relationship with him.
I love this guy so much, what should I do?
I received the email above from a reader named Tayo. Through her words, I can see she is in a very difficult situation and must make a decision urgently. It is also a very delicate situation. Things could turn out good by God’s grace, or could turn out really, really ugly. Raising a child with Sickle Cell Anemia is one of the most challenging situations any family can go through. It gets really tough and the loss of a child is not something any parent should have to face.
These are important things you must think about dear, and I pray God gives you the grace and strength to make the right decision.
From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the very best.
SL Fabz, kindly give her some advice in dealing with this situation. Do you know of any couple with AS Genotype who knowingly got married? How did it turn out for them?
*Remember, if you have a challenge in your relationship that you need advice for, please send an email to info@stephaniedaily.com with the subject ‘Talk To Steph’
28 Comments
Laurretta
March 16, 2015 at 5:29 pmMy dear this is really a though one. I think its best u quit d relationship now for the sake of ur unborn children cos they re d ones to suffer not u.
Linda
March 16, 2015 at 5:32 pmShe shld try and move on, I have been there before it is not easy but a broken relationship is better than a broken, unfulfilled, shattered, loveless marriage. when the crisis starts will the love you guys profess now be able to stand? Will you bear to see your child go through pains you people can soothe despite your average or high financial status? Will it be okay for you going to the clinic every time? These are some of the questions you guys have to answer sincerely. Don’t let anyone deceive you that is a 50-50 chances. Try with all the willpower in you to move on, both of you can be good friends if need be.
Ben Vera Chinonye
March 16, 2015 at 5:54 pmsweetheart,bear it once and forever because you wouldn’t remember love when it gets really ugly.It’s a 50-50 thing.Look forward and ask yourself if you can bear having for instance, two siscklers in your home.Would the love stand the test of time? Please be wise and ask God to direct you.wish you luck!
hatty
March 16, 2015 at 6:12 pmit happened to me also 2012 i am AS n d guy is also AS n so we decided 2 let go not becos we didnt love eachoda bt becos of the future.we dnt want an innocent child to suffer becos of the mistake both of us made n so we separated.Now he is married with a daughter n am doing great with my fiance.just pray to God dia is nutin bigger than him if it is Godswill then both of u wil be togeda.shalom
Sarafina
March 16, 2015 at 6:20 pmIt’s not gud to put God to the test. I av a friend who deliberately married her fiance who is of AS genotype with her. It didn’t turn out well. Dey agreed not to av children, but her hubby forced himself on her while she wasn’t in her ‘safe’ period, she now has two kids n both of dem are SS. U can’t imagine the strain dis has had on dia marriage. Pls think twice for the sake of ur unborn children!
ak
March 16, 2015 at 6:33 pmMy dear I dont know why God keeps bringing we AS people together this kind of way. All the eligible bachelors hovering around me are AS,now for the sake of the future,I am pushing these lovely people away but I have these friends,very close,who married 2yrs ago,they are happy but I have not asked them what their plan for childbirth is. May God help you girl *hugs*
joy
March 16, 2015 at 7:51 pmMy dear jus let’s go of things you can’t change
uche
March 16, 2015 at 7:59 pmits really not easy…..my aunt is AS same as her husband…. they had 3kids a boy and 2 girls the boy was SS and he is late now……. Regardless of how much you love each other consider your unborn children.
AgorasBlog
March 16, 2015 at 9:43 pmEnd the relationship in a matured manner, without any bitterness. Dry your eyes. Be strong. Find somebody else. Move on. Forget the past. You only live once. Put emotions aside. Be decisive. You have one life. This life is all you have. Life’s too short for emotional pain or regrets. With time and distance, you will be okay, if you believe. Immerse all that you are in love, any love thats real and not destructive or damaging. Even when you are sad or should be unhappy, internally, smile and be happy from within, for no reason. As long as you live, be happy, for no reason. Whether you feel like it or not, replace pain / sadness with love and laughter. You can shorten manifestation of your prayers by thinking from the end. Assume the feeling of your wish fulfilled. Live as if your wish had already come true. What if your dreams manifested this moment? Would you be happy or sad? Happy, definitely. Start doing those things you’d do, if your dream was now a reality. Your dream (that which you wish to accomplish) can be likened to an egg (an object). Don’t think of the egg / the dream / desire / relationship. To give birth to your dream, any dream, from you imagination / mind’s eye, dwell therein,.. live in the dream,… think from it, not of it,.. think from within/inside (to outside) the egg / the dream / desire / relationship. You want a Bentley? Don’t desire a Bentley or think of a Bentley. In you imagination, put yourself inside a Bentley and with a big smile on your face, go places – shopping, work, party, see friends, etc. Feel that same feeling of excitation / exhilaration / overwhelming gladness/gratitude that you’d feel if your desire was a reality now. That’s what it means to think from the end. Imagine better love / relationship / family than the best you know. Believe and it’s so. As long as you breathe, fill your heart with gladness, kindness, love and gratitude. That’s the key. Your mood (emotion / assumption / belief / faith / feeling) decides your outcome. Feeling is the secret. Have faith and do not doubt. All is as you believe. Its even in the Bible. Matthew 21:22: “All things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”
EHIS ODIA
March 16, 2015 at 10:30 pmThank God both of you know this at dis early stage. It is better u cut off the relationship for d sake of ur unborn child. D adage say’s earlier is d better.
chris
March 16, 2015 at 10:53 pmDear, I understand ur fear. Believe me chances are there which it can be corrected with the help of advancement in medicine. I.e if both of u are willing to take the risk. Cheer!
Racheal Laye Edward
March 17, 2015 at 2:00 amThe disadvantage of this relationship outweighs d advantage, kindly end it.U don’t want to have kids that will come n suffer just becos u loved…. E go pain u later sef
On the other hand, u can go ahead n marry believing God that none of ur kids will be Sicklers, Miracles do happen!
(But isn’t dat Y God gave us a brain, so we cud prevent certain things n not bug him? Forgive me if I sound like I’m looking down on faith)
Also, we now av what’s termed Foetal monitoring medically, where doctors can assess a foetus in-utero n say d genotype it’s having, if its SS, they offer an abortion…. U can go ahead n marry n talk to ur medical care provider about this…. Believing one of ur pregnancies will b AS or even AA.
But seriously END THAT RELATIONSHIP BIKO 4 d sake of ur Unborn pikins!
Wisdom is profitable to direct says the Holy Book.
Let God Lead U.
All the best
Robert Ngwu
March 17, 2015 at 5:38 amInstead of taking a chance you can have the best of two options.
1. Marry the one you love… You may never get another opportunity
2. Adopt any child of your choice. There are so many looking for a safe and loving home
Gold
March 17, 2015 at 6:13 amPray to God to give you the wisdom on how to deal with it .
rita
March 17, 2015 at 7:00 amThere are some medical procedures for AS genotype. If u guys really want to get married, I think u should both go see a doctor and most importantly, u guys should pray
oni olajumoke
March 17, 2015 at 7:03 amhmmmm….m sooo speechless and moved. to tears now….don’t know What to do too…m also. in this type of dillemma… is as if the whole world is coming to an end….He’s not rdy 2 Let go…How will I move on?God help me.
chy
March 17, 2015 at 8:34 amPray $ seek Gods counsel;I bliv Gods will for u in marriage must pass d medical test;b wise Don’t make any mistake by virtuee of eemotions…Goodluck.
wunmi
March 17, 2015 at 9:07 amMy dear, if you both love each other sincerely, I will say put God 1st and follow your heart. I will tell you one truth and it is anyone can die young.
wunmi
March 17, 2015 at 11:12 amMy dear, if you both love each other sincerely, I will say put God 1st and follow your heart. I will tell you one truth and it is anyone can die young Be he SS, AS or AA. I know of As&AS that gave gave birth to 3 AA and also know of other that has 1 SS, 1 AS and 2 AA. I also know of 1 SS that never fall sick. what do you say to that? Follow your heart and put God 1st. With God all things are possible.
temmy
March 17, 2015 at 11:29 amhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Albertina
March 17, 2015 at 2:46 pmSweetheart i’m so sorry you are going through such an ordeal but you have to let go.It’s not easy at all dear coz’ i’m currently going through the same wahala but trust God with this alright….you’ll be fine. But you have to let go.Take care dearie.
Veronica
March 17, 2015 at 9:59 pmI have read the comments both here and on FB and I think people are just ludicrous. This lady met a man who completes her and they are supposed to live apart in misery because of a disease? This is the 21st century people. If they love each other they can adopt a baby. Or many babies. There are kids out there who have no hope of a good life. They do not have to bring a sick child into the world when there are beautiful children out there who might need their love. Unless of course they want their own kids, in which case they need serious counseling. What they do Not need is complete strangers hurting them with all these harsh words. Put yourselves in their shoes. Seriously people!!
Jane
March 17, 2015 at 10:06 pmWas in a relationship just like this, had to break up but I still have feelings for the guy. I know just how it feels but then hold on to God and be wise Sweety
Jesykah
March 20, 2015 at 6:21 pmPersonally, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know of a couple whose geneotypes are both AS and they got married. Today, they are blessed with three wonderful kids, thanks to God who made it possible via medical intervention. It’s a rather expensive process but none of them has such genotype, all healthy kids. My dear, it’s up to you to decide. Pray about it. God won’t leave you comfortless; and how do you know you have an answer to your prayers? When you feel that calm assuring peace from within. All the best my sister.
peace igweobi
March 21, 2015 at 8:39 ammy dear pals am also in such situation right now please jesyka can you please tell me more about the medical intervention here is my Facebook user name NOBLE IGWEOBI please I need your candid advice
Candy
March 21, 2015 at 2:52 pmSeriously it’s a difficult situation but at the same time if you love each other and think you can afford to spend close 10000 pounds for pre diagnosis genetic test/IVF. Then go ahead and marry each other but if you don’t or don’t have the patience then go ahead and break up. AS and AS can marry each other if they are boosted financially to do PGD/IVF. Technology has gone to another level.is just that is not cheap.thats the only challenge I know many of these couples face. But I got a friend who she and her husband are both AS and they have two kids now cuz they did PGD/IVF. Healthy kids. But I guess is not every one who can afford this. In their own case they both have a job/career and raise the funds together withing 2 years. Cuz they love each other and can’t stand the thought of leaving each other or bringing a sickle cell child into this world.So they work for it. And now they are enjoying the benefit. They want two kids and they gotten it. Cause they plan it well and sacrifice a lot cuz of their love for each other. Well I guess that’s rare.
Lia
January 23, 2017 at 3:06 pmcould you please create an avenue for me to speak to your friend who did the PGD-IVF procedures. My relationship is going through alot and we need as much information as we can get or we might lose our relationship. i know i am asking for alot but please help. Kindly email me cestmagnique@gmail.com My name is Lia
Joshua Samuel
March 22, 2016 at 2:04 pmI believe you both are believers in christ.If not, please make and take the decision to become part of God’s family. Now Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.. My cousin used to be SS before marriage but right now, she’s AA, happily married with two kids to the glory of God. I believe you both are meant for each other.. Just keep Loving yourselves and trust God in every situation. The tides would turn to the good of you both. God Bless You.