Talk to Steph

Talk To Steph: He Married Someone Else

I am 32 years old. I dated a guy for four years. He took care of me financially. I know he loves me and I love him with everything I’ve got but just last month February, he married his ex-girlfriend. He did all the preparations without my knowledge. It was two weeks to the wedding that I heard he was getting married which he did not deny. At that time, we were still dating.

It is two weeks now that he got married but he still comes to my house and still takes care of everything just like before. He still tells me he loves me but he did not know how the whole thing happened. He said that I should give him time so that he can leave the lady for me.

I love him so much I don’t have the courage to stop him from coming to my house. I feel like seeing him everyday so I’m planning to leave my state to another state to start a new life because I know it won’t be easy for him to quit that marriage. Please I need advice.

SL Fabz, please give some advice to this reader who sent this heartfelt email about a situation she is passing through.


*Remember, if you have a challenge in your relationship that you need advice for, please send an email to with the subject ‘Talk To Steph’

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  • Reply
    pamela gwanzuwang
    March 22, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    He dated u for four years and went on to marry his so called ex while u guys still dated.come on girl dont u gt it?he’d been seeing that girl all da while.he made a choice and trust me,he’s not leaving no one for u.wake up!get ur acts together and move on,I know its not easy but thrs some one out thr for u!

  • Reply
    mercy omoruyi
    March 22, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    Wow so touching that guy is wicked any way the mistake has already be made just take ur time everything will surly be ok a step at a time..

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 1:44 pm

    Just leave the man alone

  • Reply
    Tessa Doghor
    March 22, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    Sweetheart, he hates you very much
    he has a life with his wife but wants to prevent you from being found.
    He was sent by the devil, even if he doesn’t know it. You must gather every strength you have and fight for your destiny.
    God has a good, terrific, honest and faithful man who is looking for you. He’s handsome, god fearing and has a great purpose in God.
    He’s looking for you. one problem is that he won’t find you if you are too busy being that wicked man’s mistress.
    Yes he is wicked, he is a wicked soul to be cheating on his wife and trying to destroy your destiny.
    Receive strength and fight for your destiny. God will help you.

    • Reply
      John Bannerman
      March 23, 2015 at 5:06 am

      I love that, baby. You have hit the the nails top. The man is wicked and dishonest.

  • Reply
    Ogechi obiora
    March 22, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    Dear’i will advise you to stay clear off him. He doesn’t care for you because if he did he would have married you instead of his ex! You don’t have to leave ur state to start a new life. Make it clear to him that it’s over!believe me sweetheart he isn’t going to leave her for you. I feel your sorrow. Be strong and stay strong. Bless u.

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    hmmm goin tru somtin like this but the issue in my own case he hasnt married any of us yet i really am confused

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    hey dnt b sad dat life,things like this ar bound too happen out of love,u av outta let him go,he lied too u his gonna do it again, plz dont allow him,open up ur hrt n love will find u…juzz believe.

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    He hates you with passion. was he sleeping when he got married to her nd claims he doesn’t know how it happened? please move on, dear!

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 3:17 pm

    At 32, you are a loser already. One needs to be blunt with you. He has not only succeded to waste 4years of your life but now u want him to completely wreck the remaining years of your life. I know you are psychologically unfit to reason right, u need your your family to talk sense in to your brain to act wisely and promptly. Leaving town is giving him access to completely destroy you. He now has a family, Move away from where he can access you, change your phone number so that you wil not see him n can give you chance to think rightly. Erase his memory off, gather all the strength to send him away. He hates you, you deserve the best. Time waits for no one

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    You are simply his biggest fool. Tell him to stop coming around you. Unless you are only enjoying the tips he gives you. Men are heartless. move on!

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    been their too i had ths guy i loved so much we had dated fr ayear he loved mi wth hs all too n he made it clear he wanted mi fr marriage n showed mi al his family n thy new mi so we got into conflicts n i tried to put thngs togethr bt he dnt show an effort to want our relationship to work only to be dumpt laitr n he told mi his ex galfriend had come bac in the country n as we speak shz pregnant n hs family wants him to settle wth ha.i was really broken i found out tht even th ex aint pregnant wat hurt mi most was how much i had sacrifised fr our relationshp.the day he dumpt mi is the day i decided to move on i loved him so much bt wat i wouldnt take is being someone’s option yet im beautiful n yang n can get aman of my own.yes he called mi aftr bt i decided to move on n had to stick to my decision ive neva pickt his cals o caled him its been 7 months now he aint mariedd yet,i thnk about him bt each day i feel lesser feelings fr him i knw one day i wl forget him n find a man who wl be sure its mi he wants n i will fall in love again.move on u wl b better if u can move to anothr state n neva pick him up o cal him thts even mi it wont b now bt one day u wl forget him bt stayying wont mek him comit to u.

  • Reply
    Mojisola Obazuaye
    March 22, 2015 at 4:00 pm

    Ladies, when we depend on MEN to ake care of all our need, we a liabilities to them. Even when they do not say it, they are 99.9% not happy with the idea.

    The man saw you like someone who needed help financially and He took care of you. No man wants to marry a woman who can take care of themselves. In other words, he saw you like a dependent/liability.

    Women should get at least a little empowerment. A job, a trade or even a training. When the man sees you are doing something, he will respect you.

    Please take heart and move on. If he leaves the lady and make up with you, be sure he would leave you too at some stage. Good luck with everything.

    Cheers, MJ

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 4:10 pm

    Maybe he felt u were a liability to him financially but here aresomethings u can do:
    1 confront him and give urself time to heal

    2Look in the mirror.Tell yourself you are beautiful and smart, and that the cheater does not deserve you. in the mirror.Tell yourself you are beautiful and smart, and that the cheater does not deserve you.

    3 hang out with friends

    4 occupy yourself

    5 promise urself dat u wont make d same mistakes

    6 be carefulbut dont closenur heart

    7 meet new guys!!!!! And make friends not justbbecausenu wanna date

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 4:57 pm

    Girl 4get him n move on He don’snt deserve you, he just want to destroy u .

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 5:12 pm

    Swirry,I knw its nt gonna be easy buh blv me he doesn’t worth pls move on wif ur life ok..come here#bighug#

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    I will advice u move on with ur life he didn’t love but only lost over u.

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 6:34 pm

    That’s unfortunate , the fact is that , most women choose to date the bad guys (the cheaters) just because of money and other material things and abandon and reject the good guys , when the relationship becomes a disaster , who’s to blame ?

    • Reply
      March 23, 2015 at 9:16 pm

      Is this your advice?

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 6:44 pm

    my dear he is not your man,keep moving your right man will come

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 6:58 pm

    Its bad enough that you spent four years of your life in an undefined relationship. I did that my self .but trust me honey holding on will only ruin you more. Move on and don’t believe his sweet lies. Men are smooth talkers they can say any thing just to have their way. Be wise. A fool at 30 is a fool for ever. Courage

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 7:17 pm

    My dear, he never loved you and will never do, he was lusting over you and paying u off with your needs dat he was taking care of without u knowing that was his intentions, u gave out ur love to him and he failed u, dats not d end of life, I am telling u dat u ve a better guy ahead dat deserves u, n he dat deserves u will love u and take care of you more than d beach dat came with a deceit, move on w your life dear and leave vengeance for God

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 7:23 pm

    Their are two things about life (1) to realise that life is two short and nothing what dying for.(2) or to die hoping.

  • Reply
    Elijah McWary
    March 22, 2015 at 7:53 pm

    Beloved! Use the substitution technique.Replace him with one you love and tell him to please, mind his business.

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 7:54 pm

    Pls have been trying to send an email to you but it’s not going through. Help pls

  • Reply
    Racheal Laye Edward
    March 22, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    If u can relocate like u said, pls do and start all over again!
    End all forms of association with him.
    He chosed his path and has found his but is preventing you from being found by sum1else whom u truly deserve n deserves U.
    Move On!

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 9:25 pm

    Dear, beta giv ur life to Christ, He will provide a beta husband for u. Dat man is not urs,he is heartless. so if u still allow him to b taking role in ur life, believe m he will Neva want u marry in life and u ursef wiln’t b praying for ur own . Take hat n do as u wish by leaving dat state. Gudluk!!! in Christ Jesus

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 9:39 pm

    That man should not even be given any chance to explain his pretence and false story of not loving his wife, and girl to be candid he never loved you, may be he enjoys the sex but for love i doubt, he still takes care of you because he’s feeling guilty and still want to continue having you. don’t be a fool to even wait for him to leave his wife unless you are a second best. move on and get busy to take care of yourself, get a job or get into business to earn, it’s only greed that would still keep you in that relationship. if you are well behaved a better person would locate you. as for that loser good ridance to bad nonsence.

  • Reply
    March 22, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    i have seen his type, he is not a truthful person, as him take enter if he does not change he will jump out.

  • Reply
    miss Janny.
    March 22, 2015 at 11:43 pm

    hey sister! follow your heart bits but becareful.

  • Reply
    Joy Ikechukwu
    March 23, 2015 at 1:04 am

    dear lady..just gather up the pieces of your life and move on…no man is worth dyin for…morova u need christ in ur life .by givin all ur broken hrt to him to take over d wheel…nd blf u knw it u wil find sumone who will cherish nd love you…dear i knw it nt easy bt as far as there is life hope abound

  • Reply
    March 23, 2015 at 7:18 am

    there is nothing to think about move on with ur life and forget about him

  • Reply
    March 23, 2015 at 9:34 am

    it is well with you, move on

  • Reply
    March 23, 2015 at 11:30 am

    i suppose wen he dumped his ex girl for u, u were happy. now its her turn to smile for u to cry. snatchers shud stop nd find their own men cos if God comes in, u become losers, move on and dont allow the man to take u for granted cos he doesnt love u,and live them alone to enjoy their marriage.find a job to do and get a life.the right man will come, God help u.

  • Reply
    March 23, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    please ruuuuun like u have seen a ghost.

  • Reply
    March 23, 2015 at 1:05 pm

    my dear dis is rubbish, u don’t need anyone to tell u he is a useless and irresponsible guy. if he truly loves u he wouldn’t av married his ex. my dear all he wants from u is sex nothing more, he will never leave his legally married wife for stop day dreaming and move on.

  • Reply
    March 23, 2015 at 3:19 pm

    My dear in all honesty… Its easier said than done. I feel your pain and I can’t imagine the emotional roller coaster you must be going through but now is the time to walk away. Look in the mirror and remind yourself of your worth as an individual, a sister,aunt and some day soon;a mother. You’re giving this man the power to block your destiny. Well, my sister that ends today. If you must relocate, then do it. But you sever all ties to allow your chosen one come with ease.

  • Reply
    March 23, 2015 at 5:19 pm

    Thank your God you did not marry him, he should have been cheating on you with her by now.

  • Reply
    March 24, 2015 at 9:55 am

    women re motivated wit what dey hear,pls sweetheart move on ND don’t look back when going LOV still

  • Reply
    Scholastica esq.
    March 24, 2015 at 10:13 am

    i can totally relate with this story. its not really easy to deal with but you can. i completely agree with u relocating to ur hometown and being around ur loved ones that way u will get over him quicker. also turn to God u need him now.

  • Reply
    March 26, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    hmm dear take hear n leave him

  • Reply
    Uba Ebele
    March 28, 2015 at 12:51 pm

    Its so easy to stand back and give advice.I understand how you feel because I have been through a similar situation.
    You are lucky he even bothered to offer an explanation,in my own case he stopped taking my calls.It was a family friend of his that told me he had married someone else and the girl was already pregnant.It was just 3wks after I saw him (in which he kept pleading with me to give him some more time that we would settle down soon,he just needed to get a job)because we stay in different cities. I was a post graduate student in the same school with him in the city he lives in.
    Didn’t believe it till I saw the pictures on Fb.Kept blaming myself for wasting four good years of my life.I just became lost and withdrawn.I quit school because I could not bear to run into him or be reminded of the past.
    It took an encounter with a friend at work to make me retrace my steps. He said “thank God it ended like this.Do you have any idea what God saved you from?Wipe your tears,get closer to God and move on with your life.Be still and see what God can do.
    I must confess it was very difficult but time heals everything.I have even gone back to that same school ran from to finish up and get my masters degree.
    So my dear,your case is not different.Accept the truth just as it is.Please try and get something doing to keep body and soul together.Let this be a lesson for you to depend on yourself and God for your needs.You don’t have to run.Put your feet down and end it with him and mean it.Get close to God and be lost in Him if you can.You will be surprised at the kind of man He already has waiting and searching for you.It is well with you.God bless you.

  • Reply
    April 13, 2015 at 3:04 pm

    This is not cool!
    Well, first where there aspects of your relationship that were pushed aside and tagged ‘for peace to rain’. False refuge is the major reason why things seem to just come up in relationship, as though they had not been there before. I’m sure you saw signs that something was brooding under your nose. But its ok, now the deed has been done. As hard as this may. sound, the best you can do right now is move on. He will never leave his wife for you. And you will hurt yourself the more sticking to him. Change locations if you can. You’ll heal with time.

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