Relationships Talk to Steph

Talk To Steph: I Love Him But He’s Married

Miss E needs your advice. Here’s her story:

I am 28yrs, I’ve been in a relationship for the past 5yrs. Then I was in school and I met this guy who promised me heaven and earth. He helped me with financial support. After 3yrs of our relationship, he then opened up that he had a wife and two kids. I thought nothing was wrong marrying a married man. I was pregnant last year, I was so happy but when I disclosed it to him, he was so afraid that he did everything to convince me to have an abortion. He told me that he has not gotten an apartment for me and I can’t live with his wife unless I want to be dead. I agreed and had the abortion. In the process I almost lost my life but thank God for His mercy. After sometime, he came and begged me with money that he loves me that he only wants us to plan things right.

What will I do? I really love this guy. It’s been over one year now and he hasn’t gotten any apartment yet. Many of my married friends mock me, telling me that I’m just wasting my time. Anytime I have the courage to tell him I am not interested again and we should go our separate ways, he sheds endless tears to prove his love and reminds me of all he has spent on me. I have people who àre asking my hand in marriage but I don’t love them and I don’t want to be an ungrateful person. I will be 28yrs by March. Please advice me, I don’t know what to do.

SL Fabz, I know its very easy to be judgmental in this situation but lets try not to be and give her the best advice we can.

*Remember, if you have a challenge in your relationship that you need advice for, please send an email to with the subject ‘Talk To Steph’

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  • Reply
    Racheal Laye Edward
    January 24, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    My dear,
    Be realistic!
    U don’t love that guy, U love the fact that he provides for U,
    And yes, ur frnds are right!
    U r wasting your time and youthfulness!
    Time u probably wud av spent with a single guy who’s willing to commit.
    God is NEVER going to authorise you to be with another woman’s husband….NEVER!!HE WON’T BLESS A MESS!!!
    No Matter what U do, if U like Remove ur womb for this guy, all u’ll ever be to him is a side chick.

    Move on!
    God will bless U with what’s urs.
    He won’t do dat when u r busy scattering sum1else’s.

    Finally, there’s dignity in Labour.
    Get sumtin doing and earn ur money.
    Free Money dey Purge!!!
    U can Love Urself better than that guy does if U put ur heart to it.

  • Reply
    Onawoga F.
    January 24, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    I think he is wasting your time. If truly he loved you, he wouldn’t ask for an abortion.
    Move on, he is married!

  • Reply
    Ida-Rachelle Aryee
    January 24, 2015 at 5:03 pm

    Please my advice to you that, once a guy is married he’s married, there’s nothing you can do to make this right unless he divorces his wife. Please bring the relationship to an end. You can’t love someone and make them abort a child. The real truth is that he doesn’t love you enough to marry you. He just enjoys the sex. Please be adviced. Give other people a chance. You never know

  • Reply
    Chioma jane
    January 24, 2015 at 5:10 pm

    Pls dear, run 4 ur life cos I won’t advice u 2 wreck anoda woman’s home besides wt mks u think he won’t cheat on u whn u marry him? Remember its d cane used in beating the first wife dat wil b use 2 beat the second wife.

  • Reply
    January 24, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    What were you thinking dating a married man?destroying someone else’s family in the process,you need to move on and find someone who is single and stop wasting your youth that you will never get back,marriage is more than love,lust and passion

  • Reply
    marve john
    January 24, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    the truth is am also in this situation, am in love with a married lady, n she loves me too.

  • Reply
    January 24, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    swt why will u allow this to continue even he has told u he’s married.i hv a similar case wit u bt hv nt bin pregnant for him n wen he told me he is married i wz hrt broken cos i started seeing him as he may b d guy n he knws my mum n my sis n i wz lyk hw wld he had gone dat far to decieve me.nevertheless, i hv made up my mind nt to hv any erotic r/ship wit him even though it might cost me all d gud tin he gives n promises.dis is ur case n d gud tin abt it is dat u hv suitors coming,jst settle down cos dat guy can’t b urs,he is taken already n hv 99% commitent to his family.pls dnt waste dis opportunity cos it may nt come by again gudluck.

  • Reply
    January 24, 2015 at 5:20 pm

    1). Do not ever rely on a guy to get you an apartment; you’ll grow camo beard waiting, and if he does get you one and his wife finds out, you’ll be dead anyway. Or homeless.

    2). If He’s cheating on her with you, he’s probably cheating on you, too. If his wife had not found out about you, then he must be good at covering up his tracks, in which case, what harm would a few other side chicks do? Right? Think of STDs.

    3). He had no intention of leaving his wife for you. Your relationship with him is based on empty promises. Wise up and leave the guy before he completely destroys you. One abortion was one too many. You could have been dead because of that and he have lived happily ever after. Get out before you end up dead!

    4). He’s selfish. He can’t have you the right way, but he also won’t let any one else have you. He financed you because there was something in it for him, not out of the goodness of his heart, otherwise, he wouldn’t have got together with you. Or otherwise, he would have mentioned his wife from the very start and let you see what exactly you were getting yourself into. And now, he holds you down with his crocodile tears.

    5).I’m not saying you’re without a fault in all this, since it takes two to tango, but I’m trying to let you realize you’ve been played. You need to get out.

    6). It’s not ingratitude to end things with him. He paid himself back bountifully, when he begun the affair. You paid him back with the life of your child, and then almost with yours. The guilt you would feel everyone you think about that child is also payback. You owe him nothing. So, get out of that mess like a boss.

    And while you’re at it, sell God’s face for forgiveness. Pick the pieces of your life and move on. You don’t need men like him to be accomplished. Show yourself, show him and the rest of the world what you can become without him.

    • Reply
      Robert Ngwu
      January 25, 2015 at 6:43 am

      Excellent comment…Well done

  • Reply
    Alozie Victor Chibuzo
    January 24, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    I can really understand your feelings. Though its always sweet to move along with beautiful memories and hard to say goodbye to someone who is a part to the memories. Nonetheless you must muster enough courage to quit from the relationship because you will become the end looser, besides you will never be happy in the marriage as you will always be faced with confrontations and challenges of his first wife. Twenty eight is not too late to start life a new. Relocate to another area where you will be severed from him. The Lord who saved you from the abortion has a better plans for you. You own husband must surely appear

  • Reply
    January 24, 2015 at 6:22 pm

    Nne Biko run as long as your legs can carry you,that guy is deceiving you and he is going to ruin your life, are you mad? Can’t you read the hand writing on the wall. He is married with kids,yet you re still following him, you got pregnant for him and he begged you to abort it and you did, and in the process you nearly lost your life. Infact you don’t love yourself because if u do, you would have cut him off for long. If you Die now, you don’t have anything to show for it, no husband, no child, but if he dies now, he has wife and kids, please this same advice I will give to my blood sister, leave that SITUATIONSHIP ASAP And beg God for forgivessnes and accept any good man seeking your hand in marriage.

  • Reply
    January 24, 2015 at 7:07 pm

    He doesn’t have a single atom of love, tell him to engage you or take you to his parents, or rather tell him again that you’re pregnant and that you won’t abort it again, then you will find out for yourself if he will not run away, my friend open your eyes and stop sleeping

  • Reply
    January 24, 2015 at 7:10 pm

    i tink ur lazy n so want 2 enjoy cheap success if n’t once u get 2 know
    he’s married u don’t nid anyone advice 2 take a walk.abortion is a grievous sin in d sight of God. amend ur ways, don’t exchange ur gold with akara 4rm d devil. b wise dear

  • Reply
    January 24, 2015 at 7:11 pm

    My dear dat guy doesnt luv u,he may be datx u but certainly nt because he luv’s u.guys can give u heavn n earth if dey want to achiev somethx frm u.if he luved u he shuld hav waited until he clears all d obstacles before anythx talkless of abortion,if he truely luved u he shuld hav been hpy to get a child frm u nomatter d circumstance. Let go n soon u will discover dat u were wastx ur tym.

  • Reply
    January 24, 2015 at 7:24 pm

    Response IRO Miss E, I really appreciate your courage my dear, it is not easy to tell out ur secret in search of advice, but truly, you took d right step. I promise u, this is d beginning of ur solution. Yes, it is nt bad for u to be in love, esp to sm1 who has been there for u. But d question is; are u willing to be a 2nd wife at ur age? Am sure u are pretty too. Wat will ur parents & family members say to this? 2ndly, God does not encourage adultery wchh ur man is fully into. 3rdly, how would u feel if u were to be d original wife of ds guy and later found out these deeds? Sure , u will be mad! I guess? My simple advice to u angel,is to move on quickly before it is too late. Fine, u love ds guy, but he is married and can’t be meant for u no matter wat. Pls, ignore all his fake stories abt his love for u, it is infatuation, so it is fake. He doesn’t mean well for u at all. Pls I beg u, enuf of. m d help u ve had from him, go far from himm and start a new life. Pls, remove him from ur mind and try to give d new guys coming for ur hand in marriage a chance. Don’t let God get angry with u oooo, d truth is remains; he is married and u can’t go there. Infact, ds guy just want to ruin ur life. Take care, I pray God gives u d grace to take ds bold step.

  • Reply
    Ella chizy
    January 24, 2015 at 8:08 pm

    1st d bible says wat God has joined 2gthet let no man r women put …… pls dear poster l understand u bt lets look at it dis way put ur sef I n shoes of dis man’s wife. if he loves u as u claim he wil neva ask u 2 kill a child dat signifies d symbol of u love. I wil advice u 2 count ur teeth wit ur tongue


  • Reply
    Akiojano Rosemary
    January 24, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    To me,i think you should just surmon courage n let go.The more you wait,the more you ll b aged,and dear sis i tell you,pls dont waste precious waitin that he is goin 2 ask 4 your hand in marriage.

  • Reply
    Emenaha, Godwin
    January 25, 2015 at 1:10 am

    Sweety, First, you need a glass of water and then you can grab a spoon…
    Love is such a sweet and horrible thing mixed togather.
    But that guy is married, you’ve got to learn how to let things go. Best wishes.

  • Reply
    Robert Ngwu
    January 25, 2015 at 7:00 am

    While I don’t advocate you marry someone you don’t love, at the same time you have hanged a ‘no vacancy’ sign at your door. You have focused all your attention on this guy that you are not allowing yourself the opportunity to explore other options. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

    I assume you are unemployed and still live with your parents. This guy can’t even get an apartment for you. That means you two meet in hotels and his car. If you are with him for money then you are selling yourself short…N5k here, N3k there, or maybe N20k for your birthday or Xmas.

    If he’s really serious he should buy you a car and a modest house all in your name. At least then you’re getting something out of the relationship. Anything short will leave any reasonable person no choice but to conclude you are a N5k whore

  • Reply
    El-babamu Doma A.
    January 25, 2015 at 8:14 am

    Hello sister.
    You are trapped by what he gives you.
    Free yourself and trust God for your daily supply and open your eyes to the reality of your life and future.
    If he did not destroy your womb completely, his wife will kill you one day.
    The choice is yours!

  • Reply
    Barbara Nzekwe
    January 25, 2015 at 8:40 am

    Whoever you are ,girls don’t date married men to marry them they do for financial benevolence and whatever reason do have.The worst thing you can do to yourself is to deceive yourself.There is an Igbo adage that goes like:ours is ours ,mine is mine.The earlier you learnt to channel your live on men that love you the better for you.Put yourself in the shoes of his wife.Several men are out there who can help you without taking you to bed.What that man too,obviously he is using you.At 28,you should be totally independent.Learn to work hard and build a healthy relationship that can yield to something better in future.One word is enough for the wise.

  • Reply
    Barbara Nzekwe
    January 25, 2015 at 8:46 am

    Madam ,girls don’t date married men to marry them ,they do that for financial benevolence and whatever other fickle reasons they may have.The worst thing you can do to yourself is to deceive yourself.There is an Igbo adage that goes like:ours is ours ,mine is mine.The earlier you learnt to channel your live on men that love you the better for you.Put yourself in the shoes of his wife.Several men are out there who can help you without taking you to that man very closely he is insincere.Obviously he is using you,by the time he is done with you,he would dump you like an old pack of cards.At 28,you should be totally independent.Learn to work hard and build a healthy relationship that can yield to something better in future.One word is enough for the wise.

  • Reply
    Atuzie precious
    January 25, 2015 at 12:50 pm

    Pls shun d guy & move ahead wit ur life. He’s married & dats final or do u wanna break anoda woman’s home?Put urself in his wife’s shoes,will u be happy if it happens to u? If he’s cheating with u,he will also cheat on u. No mata wat we say,until u decide,u can’t make a headway but I advise u to take a definite decision to end dat relationship b4 it’s too late.

  • Reply
    Eedriz junihard
    January 25, 2015 at 3:33 pm

    Hello young lady_why reporting ur problems to human being like u , why dnt u try almighty God and get ur problems solved.

  • Reply
    January 25, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    Dear, I only have one thing to tell u. Ask him to divorce his wife asap and listen to his response. The response will let u know his real intentions. For crying out loud he is a married man and would never leave his wife for u. He is selfish. My dear, pray to God for direction because in all things ask for His ways. The word of God does not permit adultery. If you don’t accept the marriage opportunities u have now, there will never be a better time for u.Please move on now!

  • Reply
    January 25, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    A married man has nothing to offer a single lady except to make her his s*x toy. please! run for your life by going to God. The bible says ” for the wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life” Free yourself from slavery and God will embrace you.

  • Reply
    January 26, 2015 at 11:50 am

    Babes. view it from the other end. if u were the faithful wife at home and you got to hear thst you have a running mate. Anyman that is married have nothing to offer you, his only using u as spare part.the truth he loves his wife and kids.Its best you have what is called your OWN. he’s not YOURS. Open your heart to others. u wld b glad u did. this is wrong

  • Reply
    Adeyemi divine
    January 26, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    hello babe if this luv u realy it could have be the difrent story but this type of luv is called chart luv so beware.

  • Reply
    March 16, 2015 at 11:16 am

    Pray to God to give you your own man then cut whatever feeling you may have for that man . I know its hard buh try and move on cos “what goes around must surely come around “.

  • Reply
    April 12, 2015 at 10:27 pm

    I don’t really have much 2 say but will like 2 ask u a question. Can u as a lady accept Wat u re doing 2 d man’s wife? 4 God sake he’s someone else’s husband, don’t be d course of separation btw what God has joined together. Anyway he’s not like e loves and want 2 marry u bt just his spare time gurlfwend.

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