Dear Steph,
I am a young girl of 22, I am in a relationship with two different men, the first one is my first boyfriend of four years, we’ve been through a lot together, we have plans to get married but his parents hate me and they’ve forbidden him from marrying me, we have broken up quite a number of times because of this issue but we keep coming back together. I entered into another relationship during one of our breakups, with a more mature guy of 30 years. He loves me so much and showers me with different gifts, love and attention and he wants us to get married as soon as possible. But I am still in love with my first boyfriend, he’s just a year older than me which means he’s not ready to get married anytime soon (not that I am in a hurry). I don’t know what to do, should I marry the older guy and leave my first boyfriend (not that I haven’t tried) or should it stay with my first boyfriend and hopes he stands up to his parent some day, or should I just let them both go, I am confused!
SL Fabz to the rescue.
19 Comments
ugonwa
July 6, 2013 at 4:58 amFamily acceptance should be our primary concern in marriage, the way a man treats you can make u love or hate him. Age is nothing, but maturity is everything. Don’t waste your time where you are not accepted.
Gift Walter
July 6, 2013 at 4:58 amDear, i advice dat u get married to the older man because ur first boyfriend will oneday cm to the tense dat u gay are just a yr older so he will look for someone far below his age . Thnx n remain bless!
Engiel
July 6, 2013 at 5:04 amPlease, pull yourself together and marry the more mature guy who loves you and is ready except you don’t like him at all besides who needs a quarrelsome mother in law?
Dayna
July 6, 2013 at 5:04 amHello, my comment is for the young lady that is confused; I think you should let them both go, get some rest and time for yourself, you’re juggling two men, not only being heart breaking, but somewhat dangerous, and can get to be a bit disrespectful of yourself ( sexually), the older guy wants you because your younger and he’s showering you with gifts…. He may become controlling. The younger one and your first is very immature and not ready for the woman you are becoming or have become, so he’s really afraid to lose you, but not mature enough to recognize your love for him. Just my opinion. ;-}
andrew osagie
July 6, 2013 at 5:10 amPls dear, take some days fasting and prayer,and ask god to chose for u,don’t be in a hurry,remain b less.
ibegbulam chibunna
July 6, 2013 at 5:30 amThe mother of ur first guy hates u,there’s nothing u can do 2 make her like u so its beter u stay away. For d second guy,d gap in age is much but if u can cope,go ahead. But I ill advise u 2 give urself atleast a year,let both go,start ur life anew,God ill send u ur man.
osayuki
July 6, 2013 at 6:01 amThe parents of ur first boyfriend already made it clear how they feel about u. Don’t force yourself into what u can’t handle. Try&reach a decision on what to do with these two guys. Its entirely up to u to decide if u want to continue with the relationships or not. U know what u want, so go for it.
owen
July 6, 2013 at 7:31 amThe second guy it is!
Excel joseph
July 6, 2013 at 7:47 amAm excel joseph am 17 and i nid ur help steph
OrJi Isaiah
July 6, 2013 at 7:52 amLol r u sure ur not my girlfriend? Well let me realistic. Better marry d matured guy! D life of a young man is never defined* his life is unfolding…ur position is not certain n with him u want to cast ur dice?! Now one thing u girls forget is, love is not enough factor for marriage* better open ur brains, ur talking about ur future n that of ur unborn kids not a love story book. Nigeria is not Walt Disney
Ruccah
July 6, 2013 at 9:25 amJst go for d second guy,
ebony
July 6, 2013 at 11:46 amFamily acceptance is a priority when it comes to marriage. Just forget abt these guys and concentrate on ur studies for now.
bim
July 6, 2013 at 2:53 pmHmmm….u need to seek the face of God concerning this issue! God will choose for u!
Ugomma
July 8, 2013 at 9:43 pmCan I just say that sometimes we complicate things for ourselves, I know decisions aren’t easy but we tend to over complicate things. Young lady you appear to be caught in between two worlds because you want two different things, or could be what society tells you to want. You want the comfort, attention and security of the older guy but you also enjoy the love you share with the younger boy friend. I know things happen but… lets call a spade a spade, you should not be in a relationship with two guys gbam. I don’t know any of these men but with that being said you need to communicate with the younger guy and find out where you guys are heading individually and together so you know what to do. Depending on what happens take some time out to figure out what you want, there is really no harm in taking your time, your not rushing anywhere and you have age on your side. Then let the older guy know you need sometime. Overtime it will become clearer as to what or who you want. I’m older than you and I’m still getting rooted in my self, though it works differently for different people but I’m not worried about missing a flight on a plane that will crash. All the best in what ever decision you make though. Peace and Love.
nnenne
July 10, 2013 at 11:50 am@Orji Isaiah, so like ur comment….wish fellow ladies will read ur lines. my parents at initial state did nt love each other cuz they never met one on one until fews days to wed….d’ve never had cause to divorce….watz diz love nd divorce wit us generation…omg i need sum1 who is worth being a father to my kids nd me
Candy Rex
July 11, 2013 at 5:54 amInfact, all I have to say has already been said by Isaiah Orji. But I’ll add that u don’t have to marry the mature guy, @least not immediately especially if you feel you are not sure. You are young and must not rush into any marriage. but if you are sure of the mature guy’s personality and like him, then I don’t think you should leave him because of your 23 year old boyfriend whose parents don’t accept you..
Thapoet
July 11, 2013 at 5:01 pmYou haven’t said or spoken about the reason his parents hate u. At least there will be a reason. If you don’t know d reason dey hate u, u need to find out. I cannot advice u to leave one for one or leave them both when u don’t have a reasonable reason. All you need to do is to look inward; urself and know what both of them really wants. The second guy might just need to get married at all cost, he may not really need u. The first guy may need u but doesn’t know where to pick up because of the issues btw u and his parents. Just take a time to look into their eyes – answers are right there…
Kike
July 16, 2013 at 4:36 amYou love the first guy, then he’s the one to choose for now. The fact that he’s only a year older then you doesn’t mean he’s not ready to get married. Also, you shouldn’t be dating/courting only one guy. It’s not clear to me as to why you are considering the second guy. For all you now, neither of them might be the one for you at the end.
Please pray to God and make sure you make a good decision. Marriage is a lifetime event – even though our generation is destroying that
StyledBYKalack
Kike
July 16, 2013 at 4:37 am* I mean’t more than one guy.