Dear Stephanie,
There are two women in my life. One of them (let’s call her Angela) I met during my NYSC four years ago and we’ve been together ever since. I haven’t proposed but our families are seriously aware that we are a couple and everyone is patiently expecting us to drop the date. She is pretty, kind, and seems very understanding for a woman – for example, when I cancel a date with her to watch football with the guys, she never complains; and for a man like me that is a great virtue – but the thing is, Angela has no drive, no ambition, all she wants to be is a wife and mother, and I find that very annoying! The other one (let’s call her Lilian) I met on a random day when my car had issues – she actually stopped to help!!! I was shocked, impressed, and couldn’t believe there was still a human being (especially a woman) like that! Through her help, we got a mechanic around that neighbourhood and the problem was fixed, I wanted to return the favour so I took her out on a date the next week. The truth is, Lilian mesmerizes me! No woman makes me feel the way she does. She is so mature in every way. We talk a lot, she shares valuable ideas on business and life, and I just find her a great inspiration and a wonderful lover! I love Angela – at least I’ve known her longer, but Lilian has a spark! I can’t really explain it – it’s just magic! Lilian has dreams, and that is a great turn-on for me! We’ve been together for one year and I find it so hard to go through the day without calling or meeting up with her!
The two women are unaware of the other’s existence and that makes me feel bad because I am not a man that would intentionally cheat or double-date. What do I do? I hate to be cheating on these wonderful women. I know that ultimately the choice is mine, but if I have to ask, who do you think I should marry? – Chris
StephanieDaily is the personal blog of Stephanie Linus
97 Comments
@johnwaves
September 5, 2012 at 11:10 amChris i think u should marry Lilian..she has plans 4 the future..just make hay while the sun shines
mayowa
September 5, 2012 at 12:49 pmAngela she might not be ambitious now but some time to come she will u don’t know much about Lillian returning favours is not bad but wen there is betrayers it is bad so to help ur self choose one or disclose their identity to both ladies and watch their reactions
Sharon
September 6, 2012 at 12:26 amHmmm..did I hear u say Angela has no ambition?u guys tink sitting at home and watching after ur kids is mere bliss!smh…..if only u knew!
eduo sarah
September 7, 2012 at 9:09 amlollllllllll very correct dear,looking after just a kid,i mean just one is hell not to talk of having 2,3,4,bla bla bla.
oto
November 14, 2012 at 2:18 pmlol lol pls help mi ask dem oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
jennifer egbuonu
September 5, 2012 at 11:17 amGuy its simple…what do u want as a man? An asset or a Liability?…The choice is yours to make, In this context, u know the Asset and likewise the Liability.
I urge u to go strait for the asset and bring her into your world, she will make of u a great nation.
Be wise young man and do away with Family Sentiments.
I rest my Case ***Long Live SD***
benny
September 5, 2012 at 7:02 pmany one you like the choice is yours
ogoo
September 5, 2012 at 11:18 amto avoid future prblms in marriage,marry lilian since she is d one that has what u want in a woman.
anita
September 5, 2012 at 11:30 ammere men can give u the advice u need,seek advice from the holy spirit and pay attentive to what he will say,…..seek God first on this.
Diz
September 5, 2012 at 11:31 amMy Dear, this is a very dicey situation you are in. But I must say that first what do you desire in a woman? Who is your ideal woman? What are those things that will make you stick to her for the rest of your life? Pls do a honest and sincere appraisal of your relationships and carefully pick the one that best compliments your dreams, ideas, ideal and future home. Pls do this quickly and let the affected woman knows so that she can move on with her life bearing in mind that a waster of time is destiny waster. I pray God will help and direct you.
Aee
September 5, 2012 at 11:35 amFollow your heart and do the right thing. In the long run, you’ll be the one to live with either of them till death do you path. Don’t make a choice you’ll regret for the rest of your life but above all, seek God’s intervention for He alone can lead you to the right path. Sometimes what we want might not be best for us!
bibi
September 5, 2012 at 11:39 amit took u four years to know that angela is a liability nawa oh, oya go for lilian the boss chick u want, d one who took u to mechanic(mama boy) d one who will do these and that, jst make sure u marry her for the right reason cuz some ladies can form all that and later get married to become house wise, be wise and seek guidance from God and not mere mortals
kenlysha
September 5, 2012 at 11:44 amyou as a man know what you want..to me i prefer Lilian,but stil ask God for direction
priscilla
September 5, 2012 at 11:46 amIf you think u love lilain that much and she has all you want in a woman than pls go for her,remember is all about your happiness
Eby Izuegbu
September 5, 2012 at 11:46 amWell, you can marry Angela and upgrade her no one is too big to learn you have known her more than and she has shown you some level of understanding. But the choice is yours!
Engee
September 5, 2012 at 11:47 amChris.. what are u looking for in a woman?.. I think you you already know “WHO” to marry.. just ask God for confirmation. Good Luck!!
Fiazonly Kossi
September 5, 2012 at 11:51 amAngela is your wife then. Lilian looks like. We are made in God likeness. See what God can do with the worse sinner like you and I? See how God can take somebody from the downhill and wash him and put him at kings’ table!!!! U can do the same to Angela Take Angela first u’ll have peace in mind. Snd you’ll have the privilege to invest in her life to become what u want
itohan
September 5, 2012 at 1:44 pmMake Angela what u want her to be
Dave
September 5, 2012 at 11:51 amI will only tell u to pray about it… Just try and do some fasting and prayer and God will direct you to know who is the best
EPOSI IKOME
September 5, 2012 at 11:56 amhi Chris, i think what ANgela needs is you to become a better lady in future don’t refuse to give her that chance. Lilian as u say is flashy and anything that glitters isn’t gold; I think u shouldn’t destroy what u’ve been building for aver four years now. Speak to Angela and let her know what u want in a lady and i believe she will make up to u expectations; and above all don’t forget to put it in prayers.
lizi
September 5, 2012 at 11:57 amGuys can sometimes be ridiculous. You knew you didn’t like some things about Angela, yet you led her on for 4 years. Man up and do the right thing and stop wasting the time of these ladies
princed
September 7, 2012 at 7:20 amWow, it come like this sometime in ilife .the firs thing u hv to pray first so tht u will be gaurd, now the problem we black people hv is tht whn a guy meet a lady , the first thing tht come to our mind is marriage. Tht is not the first issue . It doesnt meaing all ladies u0 meet ushold marry nd marriage is not for manage so u most take the one ur mind pick on ex ur marriage will collaps
Tolulope
September 5, 2012 at 12:03 pmI think you should ask yourself who your ideal woman should be, what qualities she should have etc. Write them and use them as a yardstick to determine who you want. Marriage is serious business and gives no room for personal sentiments. There is no point living with someone you endure, you are supposed to enjoy marriage. Please be very wise in making life changing decisions, also commit this situation in God’s hands, m sure it would be much easier when he directs you.
chichi
September 5, 2012 at 12:07 pmMy dear life is nt d way it seems ,u r a man u no wot u want,n wots best 4 you, make ur choice so u live happily ever after…….
Ely
September 5, 2012 at 12:11 pmMan i would advice u to watch a certain nollywood movie ‘Dumebi’ then after ask God 4 direction. Wish u all the best
HarmonyAkuh
September 5, 2012 at 12:15 pmMr Chris, (1) you didn’t state what Angela is doing all these years. (2) You complained of ‘no drive’ no ambition’. TRY SETTING UP a business for Angela and see whether she will excel in 3 months, and point it out for her that you want her to be engaged.
I don’t know if Linda is working or not. Be wise!
My people said, one does not marry a young girl and chases the old woman/girl away. The days are evil. TRY HURTING BOTH in difft ways and weigh their reactions over it. But be prayerful because if your excuse was that Angela has no ambition/drive, it doesn’t matter cos women do change.
Marlyn
September 5, 2012 at 2:30 pmtrue talk jare. TELL HIM
mary cousin
September 5, 2012 at 12:18 pmhi guy i advice u follow ur heart cos u find true love when u follow ur heart
HarmonyAkuh
September 5, 2012 at 12:36 pmYou went too far Chris, by taking her out to show kindness has led to another thing called ‘cheating’. We are not perfect that I know, but you can make Angela to become the person you want her to be since you loved n known her for years. No gain in all these flashy things. Ask God for His grace. Wish you luck but be wise.
Zenag
September 5, 2012 at 12:48 pmLilian has dreams, she’s always talking about business. does she has the wife and a mother quality in her? Is she going to take care of ur house very well? Angela wants to be a wife and a mother. Is Angela a complete liability? thought u said u met during service? which means she’s a graduate. she must get a job. its a life long affair, choose wisely dear
Geena
September 5, 2012 at 1:02 pmChris I feel u should go with Lilian, cos if u truly love Angela as u say, u won’t fall for a 2nd woman!! U just like d fact dt she let’s u have Ur way and dtz bad!! And if u truly love her, u would have made her d woman u want her to be! Not complain! So plz my dear! Go for d 2nd!! U don’t love d first!! U just don’t wanna hurt her with d truth!! Go to God in prayer!!
tigregy
September 5, 2012 at 1:04 pmLife is all about happiness and not money,if both parents are busy chasing after their dreams obviously the innocent children will pay the price and most times these children pay with their lives(you know what i mean)my take is that you should seek the counsel of the Holyspirt and remember that a homely and Godfearing wife is always the best!! cheers
blessing
September 5, 2012 at 1:06 pm think u shld make angela who u really want her 2 be,d devil u knw is better than d angel u don’t knw.Pray abt it and God will direct u.
Marlyn
September 5, 2012 at 2:22 pmIts better you dont know any devil.
loveth
September 5, 2012 at 1:07 pmMr Chris, I think u need a serious counselling because u
Aderinsola
September 5, 2012 at 1:16 pmHey Chris, u can build Angela to what u wanted her to be, I think she deserve to be happy! All dsame its ur choice to make and remember to put God first. Good luck.
loveth
September 5, 2012 at 1:19 pmMr chris u are confused, permit Me to that d love u have 4 d second lady is infatuation. Go down on ur knees and pray to God. Because marriage is a life time school, no holiday, no graduation. Take care.
snowhite
September 5, 2012 at 1:35 pmChris,
it is in your power to mke Angela b wht u wnt her to b.4yrs is a lng tym u knw! If she lves u, she’l like to plse u. It will be so heart breakx to her. Lilian is a fantasy, that feeling won’t last, if the love wit Ange had to end den it would have a lng tym ago. Wake up u’ve been carried out. She could turn any1 on wit those traits of hers but it will not last cos at the end the guys go runnx back to mama
Bootylcious diva
September 5, 2012 at 1:57 pmThe truth is clear from your story you want lilian,now you are with Angela out of pity ,four years of relationship everybody know about the two of you,my dear better tell Angela now ,let her know her faith now ,than making her believe she is hooked ,let her know now free her if is heartbreak let her feel it now and know there is no future for you two,let her start looking for her husband oh ,you can’t be holding her down .
Nnenna
September 5, 2012 at 1:57 pmMy dear marriage is not relationship, among dis two ladies who is God fearing, can tolerate, endure, and luv u even in good and bad times. And above all seek the guildance of God.
Monica
September 5, 2012 at 2:13 pmAngela is the one,all that glitters are not gold or diamond,God bless u.
pat
September 5, 2012 at 2:14 pmHe who finds a good wife finds a good thing. Also Read Prvb 31. Question for you is have you ever cared to find out if Angela has a dream? Have you cared to find out what message your sending across to her? if she should dare to dream or to be a house wife? Have you ever tried to inspire her to do something else? Relationship is all about helping each other not necessary what you can benefit from. I like what someone said Seek God first. Encourage and talk with Angela about having a passion-u never know if she held back because she thought thats all you wanted from her to be a house wife. Communicate with her and then go from there. Heres whats amazing you said you loved Angela, u did even though shes been that way for the 4yrs of being together (so ur love was unconditional) but Lilian u say makes you feel a certain way because so the things she says, what if she does not do those things then…… you never said u loved her, u said she makes you feel like no one else has. remember feeling change. dont seek the advice of man but the advice of Godly council.find someone in ur family you trust and talk to them. strangers on here know dont get the whole picture.
augusta
September 5, 2012 at 2:14 pmChris have u even consider if ur lilian is a woman dat will bring up ur kids in a right and Godly way? To me raising a family is d best job one can get and if u have a women who is not ambitious dat is good I will prefer angela bt in all ask God for direction.
laura
September 5, 2012 at 2:20 pmmy dear lyfn is short.wen u buy a dres or any type of clothes it has 2 fit u.lilian fits u cz she has wot it takes………..rem closer 2 the church far from God.anjella is closer n dear 2 ur heart n uv knwn her 4 long bt the truth is shes far frm the church.meaning far frm ur heart.thats y u had the chance of meeting lilian.mek up ur mind.n the best thg 4 u 2 do inform them n c hw they wil hundle it.am quite sure lilian wil hundle it maturely.
laura
September 5, 2012 at 2:28 pmbt the truth is u do lv anjella.bt rem marriage is nt all abt lv it involve pease n unity.anjellas lv wil fade so soon plz go 4 lilian.plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Cathy
September 5, 2012 at 2:31 pmIn a lifelong decision such as these, you have to use your head as well as your heart too. pray, seek couselling from someone you respect and that has been married for long. you can then make your decision
Anasthesia
September 5, 2012 at 2:44 pmA happy home lives longer nd secures D̶̲̥̅̊ future of their children.angela will aways b there 4 U̶̲̥̅̊ nd wit time she will b good. it depends wat U̶̲̥̅̊ re ready 2 give I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ as her husband.b wise
ogochukwu
September 5, 2012 at 2:45 pmChris l advice u 2 marry angela because S̶̲̥̅̊h̶̲̥̅̊e̶̲̥̅̊ can take Good care of U̶̲̥̅̊я children & S̶̲̥̅̊h̶̲̥̅̊e̶̲̥̅̊ can S̶̲̥̅̊h̶̲̥̅̊e̶̲̥̅̊ n be want u want most.
Nkechi
September 5, 2012 at 2:53 pmDo you really love Angela? if you do,not doing anything will not be the problem. You can sponsor her in any kind of business or teach her how to become a hardworking lady. Nobody is perfect,teach her what you feel she needs to know. Except if you don”t truly love her. Please pray about it. Lilian might be pretending,so pls be wise.
Esy
September 5, 2012 at 2:53 pmDear chris,i think u shuld pray 1st.bt if u ask me i wil say u shuld marry angela & mak her d woman u want her 2 b
Ebere Florence Onwudinjo
September 5, 2012 at 2:58 pmlife is not all about how far, its about how well. How far is 4 years with no interest still, how well is just 1 year u cant do without. no man who truly loves a woman falls in love with a second person. Follow your heart, u have obviously moved on with Mrs. 1 year, let Mrs 4 years too find someone who wouldn’t want a workaholic for a wife. Best wishes dear.
afropolitaine
September 5, 2012 at 3:19 pmSounds like a typical 80/20 situation. You have a woman who has provided the 80% in all the time you have been with her and at the sight of something new and energized, 20%, it all looks so good and you are ready to just jump ship. You know your relationships with either of the women, but I would say stick with your 80% who has been there. Remember you probably haven’t been and probably are not always going to be the 100% you presume yourself to be and 80% has been by your side. If the tables were ever to turn and things with 20% were just not enough you might not forgive yourself for letting 80% go.
Iruka
September 5, 2012 at 3:22 pmMy dear Christ, i want u 2 ask ursef dis question”. is it bcos i met lilian dat i com 2 find out Angela’s fualt? a girl i hav been datin for 4years now? Den u give d Answer to urself, Guy i wnt u 2 knw dat Love is a planted seed which u hv d right 2 nuture nd make it grow d way u wnt it 2 b, pls go to Angela she is ur Woman 4 years is a 4days okey? Thanks.
ty
September 5, 2012 at 3:41 pmHi chris,1st I will like to ask u wat is ur idea of a wife? Want kind of woman do u want for a life partner? 2nd,why did it have to take u four yrs to realise all this about Angela? What if u didn’t meet Lilian,would u have married Angela? Ask urself this question. As u said,ur families called u couples,and u are not even sure about her!!!! To me,I think u love Lilian more….all the same,pray or meet a counsellor in ur church,they will help pray with u,and God will tell u the right choice to make. Do so asap,cos time is going and Angelina is not getting any younger. (She could have been ur sister)and I’m sure u won’t like any man dissing her. So let her know ur decision in time,so she can move on and find another man,before it is too late. She may never forgive u….and u know what that means,hurtting an innocent hrt. Wish u all the best. God bless u.
Chy
September 5, 2012 at 3:55 pmI will advise u to go for Angela, she will give u love and peace, dnt u think dat d reason why Lilian helped u out was bcos u were a man(may be good looking and look comfortable) if u were a woman or may be a poor/ugly guy she might not have looked ur way, I think Lilian is a smart girl dat seriuosly need a man in her life, and dat is why she is busy telling u abt her dreams cos she knows most men will luv 2 date/marry a lady like dat. What of if she has a bad character? What of if she did not realise those dreams? There is more to marriage than than all these fantasies. Be sise!
Tolz
September 5, 2012 at 4:18 pmFirst I think you should ask yourself what kind of man you are. Are you a man of integrity? Or is it safe to say otherwise. Looking at all you’ve said in your letter to, you have been with Angela for four years. In those four years you knew who she was, and what her goals were which was to be a wife and a mother. This was a known fact before you met Lilian and you stayed. So I find it a bit ridiculously that you have the audacity to use this against Angela. I think you’ve been a selfish person in this situation for a year you’ve lied to both these women without giving them a chance to make THEIR OWN CHOICES. At the end of the day you said it right it is your choice. But my question for you is once you chose, will you be a man and come clean with your treacherous ways and give her the chance to choose.
Diana
September 5, 2012 at 4:51 pmYou’re caught in-between a rock and a very hard place. You have two women that are good catches in their own respects and you have to make a definitive decision who you want to potentially want to build a life and family with. I recommend you write out a good ol’ “pros and cons” list for both. This will help you identify who is more compatible with you and who you’re willing to compromise with more. Lilian is as ambitious and focused as you appreciate but what if she is not that interested in balancing that with being a homemaker and having kids? I’m sure that’s of importance to you too. My point is do this analysis of both quickly and let one woman go because it would be unfair of you to string them both on for much longer.
mimi
September 5, 2012 at 5:07 pmi tell you, what you feel for Lilian is not real. These days you don’t marry out of gratitude, pity, or whatever. She know why she gave you a helping hand, and u in return have shown appreciation. SO GO FOR ANGELA, SHE IS THE ONE FOR YOU.
Mary-Jane Igwe
September 5, 2012 at 5:42 pmChris dear,@ this point in ur life all u need is a spiritual direction,man can be biased,but I know God won’t,ask him 2 give u a sign,if possible pray & ask God 4 a particular act u want d wrong one among the 2 of them 2 portray at a particular time.Be wise dear.
Mary-Jane Igwe
September 5, 2012 at 9:07 pmChris on a 2nd thought,are u a man of integrity?imagine Angela doing this same thing u re doing now how would u feel?jealous!I can feel it,it depends on what u call,no plan 4 the future,a lady who’s a graduate,I think u re just being over ambitious,why re u d man in Angela’s life?help her plan her future,Lilian u said has this spark something that turns u on interesting,thank God u said Lilian plans her future,unfortunately u re part of that plan,she needs a man in her life u re only helping her by giving in 2 those things u consider a spark,I see Angela as a contended woman,but Lilian as a business minded woman,being with such a woman is as good as hell,u can’t even ve control over her,but Angela will always respect & cherish u all her life.Use ur head.
Uju
September 6, 2012 at 6:05 pmLove what you said about Chris being part of lilians plans. Chris I think you should watch the movie “just Wright” and check out what women can be like when they see a man with prospects of being a quality husband.
obialunamma
September 5, 2012 at 11:14 pmChris d devil can paint a negative picture of anybody n u can only be tempted by what u think about often. I also believe that a man should make his woman who he wants her to be. Be wise
Constance
September 6, 2012 at 8:47 amDear Chris, in this matter you really need to seek the face of God in order to help you choose wisely. Dont make your choice based on what you are seeing physically, seek the face of God who knows the end from the beginning. We have to be very very careful in choosing a life partner just like other issues in life which may make or mare ones life. If you care for more guide on this matter please contact me through my e-mail or facebook; I dont want to disclose what I have to tell you here. The Lord will guide you IJN.
Constance
September 6, 2012 at 8:49 amSorry my email is – constigold@yahoo.com
Neah
September 6, 2012 at 8:50 amChris you are a jerk!!! Most jerks don’t think that they are jerks….
Judith E.
September 6, 2012 at 10:06 amChris u have said u love Angela, bt Lilian makes u feel some way special, marriage is nt abt feeling and being ambitious lilian might be and u feel angela is nt, Angela is a graduate and i think she will also want to work, Lilian can be very ambitious now wat happens later if u end up marrying her and u don’t have peace at home or she is never der to take care of ur needs as a man and d needs of d kids wen dey arrive simply bcos she is pursuing her dreams wat will u do then go out to find anoda lady?be wise go for Angela bt most of all seek d
face of God bcos he is d originator of marriage. Marriage is till death do u part.
patrick
September 6, 2012 at 11:51 amFollow U̶̲̥̅̊я heart.
Adedunbi & Benita
September 6, 2012 at 12:06 pmHi Chris, my 1st advice for u is 2 pray 2wards it cos d person u think is right might be d wrong person 4 u. seek d face of God in it b4 any other thing. 4 me we’re talking abt wife and mother material not beauty or money, dos lilian has wat it takes 2 be a wife and a mother not just (Mrs) then look at Anjela on the other side, she might not have any goal now but u can make her become a goal getter in life cos she has wat it takes 2 be a mother not just an ordinary wife. A word is enough 4 d wise, tink 2wice be4 u choose. gud luck.
HarmonyAkuh
September 6, 2012 at 12:13 pmMr Chris, I believe you have gotten the advice you needed. If you keep on waiting, another lady might show up that will even be more than Angela and Lilian, but bear in mind that marriage is not all about PERFECTION. You can still make it to be perfect in your own way. Nothing pass submission my brother!
zuleha
September 6, 2012 at 12:45 pmmarry lilian coz u need an ambitions person, bt u can also mak angela to face d dificulties in life so dat she can b an ambitious smbody, well gud luck.
Katey
September 6, 2012 at 12:45 pmU dated Angela, 4 good four years, U didnt know abut her ambition and not been matured, till Linda Shows up at yur door step, God made U whom U are now, if U dont want Hw Angela looks or Behaves. U bring her Up to yur Taste. Instead of kiping d poor Gal waiting all dis While. U shud really pray over dis, What if U marry Linda and she changes to anoder person, had I know comes in. Chris Be Wise not all dat glitters are gold. PEACE!
victoria
September 6, 2012 at 1:12 pmAssuming the Lilian is just pretending 2 get what she wants?You’d better look properly b4 u leap.
innocent
September 6, 2012 at 1:13 pmChriss. Left for me I will say you should not marry angella because I think she is too good for you… I don think you deserve her at all. If after 4 years you are not sure that you don’t want her then I doubt you manliness. If after 4 years you can’t help her overcome her stagnancy according to your mind-blowing taste for the future, then I wonder what you spend your time with her doing. Lilian comes around and you now see flaws in angella… In another 4 years maybe sharon will come from no where and fulfill your dreams. I feel sad not for you but for angella… Not just for this single act of your insincerity to her but for the hidden tendencies I percieve in you. I know couples who tell each other even when someone else tells them as little as I MIsS YOU not out of immaturity but as a way of protecting their relationship. I hope you listen to those who say you should marry the super lilian and I wish angella luck in finding a more befitting man who will soothe the wound that your departure will cause. I’m not blaming you but I just don’t trust the little devil in you.
Uju
September 6, 2012 at 6:25 pmThanks innocent you spoke well. I think he doesn’t deserve Angela. Come to think of it, he said he met angela during nysc meaning he had nuffin just starting life and yet angela stock by him. Hour really doesn’t deserve her. It takes courage not just love for a lady to see something in a man and trust that whatever comes her way, she will stick by him. It seems to me that her life ambition is not just to be a wife and mother but to be ur wife annd mother of the kids of the man she loves and that’s u Chris otherwise she would hv left u a long time ago to be another man’s wife and mother to his children. It’s ok oh life really isn’t fair, after all the prayers she Must have invested in you for you to be where u r today, you pay her back in a different coin sha my own be say the fear of karma is the begining of wisdom. Berra wise up and go back to the wife of your youth.
Kike
September 9, 2012 at 5:47 amHi Innocent,
Simply put, everyone deserves the best and nothing less.
Uju
September 6, 2012 at 5:50 pmOk so ur saying that if it was Angela that saw you on the road, she wouldn’t stop and help you. Oga Chris, the truth is that you have grown tired of Angela bcos and you are trying to find excuses. 4 years and u just realised that she has no future ambition, she just wants to be a wife and mother. Ok nice one oga but wait oh did you ever consider the saying all that glitters is not gold. My dad made that mistake when he chose to marry my stepmum and has been suffering from that mistake for 27 yrs. What do you want? A home free from worries and headaches, where u can come back and you are well taking care or and pampered? It seems to me miss angella can give u that. On the other hand, Lilian could be a great lady that mesmerises u, maybe the sex is great it comes with the new relationship adrenaline pumping package, sure its good to have a partner that is driven and all but really what if ur seeing is just a facade? But then she could really be a great lady. I really don’t like the fact that Angela is not that ambitious but she could be a lady that can manage crisis well. My advice is instaed of marrying Angela and regreting it go for Lilian bcos from the tone of ur write up its Lilian u want but remember all that glitters ain’t gold
chiamaka
September 6, 2012 at 7:09 pmI think angela submissiveness could yield so much love and togetherness in future cos she is someone you can train to become the woman you desire, but lilian being ambitious might be hard in handling due to her status.
sylvia
September 6, 2012 at 7:36 pmChris to be honest, every guy will pick lilian over d other lady. And frm ur letter, I can say and u urself knows that u luv lilian more. So, I’ll advice u follow ur heart which is lilian, may God see u through
sanchiona igwe
September 6, 2012 at 8:19 pm♍Ɣ advice T̶̲̥̅Ơ̴͡ Chris is this” Go Ƒǭȑ the one who makes your heart beat faster”. Money, job, beauty and personality are all material, what matters is that which makes your heart beat! Love and marriage is risk itself, if you get it right,well and good; if you don’t,you live with it Ƒǭȑ the rest of your life and blame yourself Ƒǭȑ it cos its your choice!
Dabond
September 6, 2012 at 9:35 pmMehn I aint married or the least bit ready for that “ish” buh I know that in this age a fella needs a lady who can dream and achieve with him. A man needs a lady who in the future after u’ve had kids and an unfortnate incident takes u away she can stand in and give ur kids all the love and provision they’d need. But its ur decision though bro and like they say “if u really loved the first one, there’s no way u woulda fallen inlove with another”…peace
eduo sarah
September 7, 2012 at 9:13 amwho no get ambition no dey marry,abeg my man love covers everythings in life if u say u love her (angela)then marry her.
@missroyal05
September 7, 2012 at 4:25 pmso what happens when Lilian doesnt hv time for u and ur kids becos of her ambitions?will you then wish you had married Angela?i feel u should tell Angela how you feel and see if she changes,if she doesnt then u are free to do as you like.
tejiri
September 8, 2012 at 4:31 amU’ve dated Angela for tooo long that’s why there’s no excitement there. The spark u feel with lilian is cos she’s new. And cheating comes with a certain excitement. All that will fade away soon. Being a good wife and mother beats being ambitious anyday. All u need to do is open up to Angela. Tell her u want her to work or do biz. Afterall she’s a graduate, what’s so hard in that? A woman’s first priority should be her home and if lilian is putting ambition first, u’ll be in a lot of trouble if u marry her
Kike
September 9, 2012 at 5:45 amThere’s ONLY ONE solution to this. Pray to God almighty, he know best. He knows who your wife should be. I know this would be a common answer but the thing is, you have to be serious about it. Pray and seek your answer with as much intensity as you would like to find a wife. None of these two women might even be who you are supposed to end up with!
Gos is all-knowing. Ask for his will and trust me, you will never regret putting in this effort because of the joy you will find for the rest of your life. Human beings will try to use their ‘little’ knowledge from their life experiences but really, they can’t give you the best advice.
I wish you all the best in your future decisions 🙂
Issuesoflife
September 10, 2012 at 7:48 pmHi,
All that glitter isn’t gold and UNDERSTANDING isn’t all it takes to marry a woman either, but it is definitely an important and vital issue when considering a woman to marry.
Angela and Lilian are both women and any of them could be your God-ordained spouse. However, there is also a possibility that your wife is neither Angela or Lilian.
So in order to solve this puzzle you need to have a relationship with God first that is if you haven’t. After this crucial step then diligently and sincerely seek God’s face and he would direct your decision, he would also open your eyes to see things you never knew or thought of about these respective women.
REMEMBER, MARRIAGE ISN’T A WEEKEND AFFAIR BUT A LIFE TIME EVENT. xx
adeboye abioye
September 11, 2012 at 11:22 ameveryone got there own goods and ugly.there is nothing wrong in been a wife and mother or been a goal oriented person or got the drive but you know whts best for you so…make haste while its still day
Chioma
September 11, 2012 at 10:39 pmHello Chris, i don’t know how you feeling now but what i want to let you know is that 4 years is not a mouth and don’t just throw it away like that, look you said that you LOVE Angela then go ahead with her look back, also, you said she don’t have any ambition look if you really love her you will make her have ambiton.
I’m 28 years i did not study and am not working my husand study and now he has his PH we had only 2 years in relationship B4 HE MARRIED ME now i’m , why? because he loves me, so, you can change her by making her have ambition and other things.
goodluck.
Chioma
September 11, 2012 at 10:44 pmyou can make Angela be what you want her to be, and is working she can change later because she have everythink 4b you know her, look on money look on love.
Rositta112
September 13, 2012 at 12:30 pmdude! No one on this blog site will choose for you who to marry. You are an adult and know what is right from wrong> sure the attraction you feel for the new lady is normal and u r now just realising after 5yrs that the other lady who has stuck with u has no drive or ambition. my dear u better ask God for forgivness and do a deep soul serch within urself, u have to make the choice for a wife urself since u will be the one to live with the woman for the rest of ur life. but trust me dude the new lady is just a new facination for you, you really havent gotten to know her truely, u r only carried away with what u see on the surface. like someone said dont throw away the 80% u have now @ hand for just a mere 20% you found. u will be the one at loss at d end of the day.
Uchechukwu
September 18, 2012 at 3:57 pmYou know who you want, other things u are saying are excuses.
stef
September 21, 2012 at 12:41 amnot one to comment on post but if Chris reli needs an advice dis is wat i hv to say u were wiv angela for four years n neva noticed she was nt ambitious n after meeting lilian u started finding all dis fault in angela.since u love ambitious women y did u stay dat long wiv angela since she wsnt one n who told u cldnt make ha one she loves u obviously and trust me there is no human dat doesnt wanna be smtin or hv a dream no matter hw small she might nt be as amitious as lilian bt she has smtin to offer dat lilian cnt she seems to give u peace and lilian bring passion now it’s left for u to choose passion or peace u know both women beta than we all do n in your heart u know the one dat u shld be wiv.but make up ur mind fast.have u eva told angela wat u reli like in a woman hv u eva encouraged ha to do smtin wiv haself?
Anonymous
September 24, 2012 at 5:02 pmGOD Is the match and marriage maker and HE knows the best. So why not go to HIM in prayers and let HIM picked the best for you. For the fact the First Lady has no ambition today,doesn’t mean in 5 years time she won’t be a manager of a multi-national company. GET ON YOUR KNEES young man. GOD IS TOO FAITHFUL TO FAIL
mary
October 3, 2012 at 1:04 pmHy, What i just have to say is that you should put God first,ask God who to marry among the two ladies, don;t lean on your own understanding and on other people advice…… to add to other people’s comment, i will say u should marry the lady you love…if in future Lilian is no longer ambitious will you send her packing or divorce her..think deep before taking any action..she might even be doing all the things she is doing so that she can get close to you….
Suz
October 3, 2012 at 2:10 pmHi Chris, how long hv u known Angela has no drive and ambition? have u eva discussed it with her? some pple just need dat extra push, u can neva tell and u might be surprised at d turn around u will notice when u rili discuss it with her. U said alot of nice things u like abt lilian bt didnt include if she is a homely person or someone that can tak kia of ur kids and home, or dont u want that in a wife too?? Wish u d best.
Yola njinja
October 26, 2012 at 11:49 amHi, Chris. Please talk to the man in the mirror his is the problem. His is and materialistic. Take responsibility and make Angi what you want her to be. Its simple, professional school or business could do. A perfect woman does not exist. Have u seen the other side of L
Lili. Not all that glitters is gold.
Damie
December 3, 2012 at 2:05 pmNo 1- May God forgive u Chris for thinking of ever hurting Angela….u guys stayed together for 4 years and den u tired cos u found a new toy??? SMH!!!
No 2- You re vewi wicked oooooo……shoo?! how would u say becoming a mother and a wife is not an ambition? U av no idea wah we ladies go thru so pls do not say dah ever again. Lemme share a story wit u.
This happened to ma aunt. Her husband wanted her to be an house wife cos he wants someone who would av time for his kids. Dat wasnt hard for her cos she also dint like d idea of someone else takin care of her kids for her. She had not realised her dreams earlier until she became married. She studied economics in sch buh still was patient wit her man and dint show her discomfort. After her 3 years and a child, she realized she loved being surrounded with kids. She turned one part of her husband’s house into a creche/daycare (a small one though). She is now an expert wen it comes to kids as a whole and takes care of husband vewi well and he is vewi grateful to God for d wonderful wife he married. She supports him d way a wife should and is always gud to him. He doesn’t worry abuh anyfin now cos he knows his wife would be dere for him and d kids forever and after 4 kids naw, dey re still like ever b4 and he doesn’t regret one minute. He recently got her a building not too far from d house for d creche and he is happy, vewi happy infact. He wanted a woman to take care of his kids and naw he has got more dan dat, He got a blessing as a wife.
My point is dis, u can change your woman and i mean Angela cos i feel she is d one who would make u happy. Call her and speak to her, she would listen to u and obey u cos u already said she is vewi considerate and understanding.
No 4- Talk to God about it. He knows best.
No 5- Left to me,do away with Lillian. Its not easy to find a gud gal and u already got one so do not screw it up cos me for one, i don’t plan on getting married buh im always happy for those dah want to. I want kids though *bigsmile*.
Wish u d best dear…..lemme knw d outcome oooooooooo
solomon
July 13, 2015 at 8:35 amAngela is a mother and a wife… Its a rare combination.chris you have to cultivate your angela.You av to bring her up to that kind of woman you want to see.You av to empower her,teach her in a loving way.Trust me from my experiences,if you treat a good woman nicely,she will reciprocate n treat you better.Go for angela and also pray pray pray bros