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#TalktoSteph: He insults me!

Hello everyone! Let’s help Suze solve this issue…

Dear Stephanie,

I need your advice. I am engaged and to be married to my fiancé this December. It is a dream come true except that he is verbally abusive. When he is angry (and it takes very little to get him angry), he begins to insult me and says terrible things about me. Later on, he will apologise but the words never go away. It worries me that he says such hurtful things. He will call me “ugly” “good for nothing” “stupid, foolish” calls me a “harlot” and even “bad luck”.

I have spoken to my mother and she says he will change. I am fearful of building a life with a man who finds it easy to open his mouth and curse me.

I have tried to talk to him; he apologises but the next minute when he is upset he will start all over again.

I am getting resentful.

What should I do?

–        Suze

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21 Comments

  • Reply
    Comfort Foyibo
    August 1, 2014 at 12:11 pm

    Dear Suze

    If he loves you as he claims he won’t abuse you verbally. Most men who can’t control their anger and then get verbally abusive, end up beating up their wives. Maybe he’s trying so hard not to show how that part of him. When you both get married, it may be too late to undo things. Be wise dear n opt out now you have the chance to. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. And take note that people don’t change, they only exhibit that which they have within, either in a good or bad way. Stay Beautiful!

  • Reply
    koko Sandra
    August 1, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    dear Suze!
    I think you have to leave the relationship cause he’s not going to change, your mom is not telling you the truth and you’re the only one that can tell yourself the truth…
    you can only marry him if you can tolerate him for the rest of your life.

  • Reply
    Amadi Joy
    August 1, 2014 at 12:38 pm

    your husband to be is supposed to be proud of you and respect you. this particular guy as painful as it may seem does not have any of such for you. is he the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? what happens when you start having kids? don’t allow him bring down your self esteem

  • Reply
    hilary
    August 1, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    Sure dear friend he will change please that is marriage for you don’t execpt every thing to work for your good in marriage for it is for better for worse…keep on praying for me he will change

  • Reply
    jummy
    August 1, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    My advice for u s nt to go ahead wif d marriage with d intention dat he will change. I will neva change after marriage(might b worse).if u knw u cnt endure I wil advice u put an end to it nw. I pray u wnt live ur life to endure ur marriage rather to enjoy it. U might end up cryin all ur days wif him. A broken engagement s better dan a broken marriage. Pls tik twice. U dnt deserve dat(no woman does)

  • Reply
    Nnebedum Nkiru
    August 1, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    Short of words. Just pray he’ll change even thou I know is hard for men with such attitude in relationship to change in marriage. Honestly only true love can overlook all of that.

  • Reply
    Stacia
    August 1, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    Suze you have to opt out now, such a man cannot change, if he cant change now, there is nowhere he can after marriage. besides, if he trully loves and respects you, he should not call you names, after all you are not just an ordinary friend to him but his wife to be, he should be proud of yu. so its not too late to walk away.

  • Reply
    Amaka
    August 1, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    My dear I will advice u to get out off that relationship now that u have the opportunity. Except u are ready to endure him all your life which will not be easy.

  • Reply
    Becky
    August 1, 2014 at 4:29 pm

    Swtheart d simple truth is this, any man who cant change while you are courting cannot n will never change even when you both get married. So d choice is yours. Cheers

  • Reply
    Racheal Laye Edward
    August 1, 2014 at 4:48 pm

    Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse to me.
    Like you said, the words never go away and ur resentment would be worse with time.
    Just Leave

  • Reply
    Adelusi Adeyemi
    August 1, 2014 at 5:09 pm

    your husband to be is supposed to be proud of you and respect you. this particular guy as painful as it may seem does not have any of such for you. is he the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? what happens when you start having kids? don’t allow him bring down your self esteem

  • Reply
    Edith
    August 1, 2014 at 5:37 pm

    be wise.

  • Reply
    Everette
    August 1, 2014 at 6:43 pm

    Superb, what a blog it is! This website presents useful facts to
    us, keep it up.

  • Reply
    Eke
    August 1, 2014 at 10:11 pm

    U have taken the first but not the final step. Both of you have shown some form of ‘interest'(engagement) but it still require sign of committment-making adjustment to prove your interest in each other. This should be discussed very well between the two of you and arrangement made to solve the problem. Don’t shy away from the problem because you love him, otherwise tomorrow you will not see that ‘love’. It requires both of you (+God)work on each other. You can’t do it alone.

  • Reply
    Mike
    August 1, 2014 at 10:18 pm

    Every good and perfect gift cometh from God.

    If u ve not repented,pls repent now and seek for God’s help. Proverb 3 : 5-6.

  • Reply
    gifty
    August 2, 2014 at 8:23 am

    plz ma dear,listen to wat ur heart tells u,I wnt want to hear dat u hav bn physically abused by ur husband,think n mke a decision asap bfre its too late plz,stay blessed

  • Reply
    Jeremiah Tarilado
    August 2, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    My dear,
    What if he doesn’t change?
    Are you ready to live with that attitude for the rest of your life?
    If your answer is No,
    Then,

    Ruuuuuuuuuunnnnnnn!

  • Reply
    maxi
    August 3, 2014 at 5:22 pm

    I think you are right to be concerned, to be honest he probably will not change more than likely it will get worse. Never marry someone thinking he will change because most times it never happens. Your husband should be proud of you. He hold lift your spirits and encourage you not put you down. I have known ladies who got married thinking the man would change and they are not only out of the marriage but broken, with poor self esteem . It is terrible what those words do to a person especially over time, you get broken.
    It is your choice , my advice walk away now you do not need to explain to your mum because she really won’t understand unless she experiences it herself. Do not let yourself be broken and regret marriage is not worth it. RUN!

  • Reply
    christy
    September 6, 2014 at 5:45 am

    if he can abuse u now, what makes u think he won’t get worst when u guys r married……. though some people change after marriage either to good or bad., don’t hope that he will change cos marriage is a life institution,a good foundation determined a good house…….. think my dear

  • Reply
    Bisi
    November 11, 2014 at 5:50 am

    If now that you’re not married and he treats you this way, I shudder to think what he will do when he is in full control i.e bride price paid ‘oruka ti dowo na’. He will do more than that and possibly ostracise you from family and friends. Be wise it’s not too late now to look before you leap. Because it’s easy to get in but getting out…… You will then start your youthful years living in fear of offending or making your husband angry which majority will agree with me is inevitable in any relationship. Best of luck x

  • Reply
    omishakin joshua
    January 4, 2015 at 11:53 pm

    You cant change what you never created, you cant change him. before he could look down on you and wash,you that way:# ask yourself how did we meet, through what media. Becareful, if you need to make your house a home then look clearly before you leap. If you are believer pray well so you won’t drown in the well. shalom!

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