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Talk To Steph: Who Should I Settle Down With?

Talk to Steph

This email was sent in by Osayi.

I am 29 years old. I need your candid advice in terms of my relationship.

I used to date a black guy who I fell in love with but he broke up with me because he said I was a bit stubborn and he thinks I’m self centered. I pleaded with him not to end the relationship, even family members intervened all to no avail. He still ended it and I was really heartbroken. He has got three kids (white kids) and he is still single. During our breakup I met a 34 year old white guy who I started dating. This guy is nice, caring and he loves me but he said he is not ready to get married yet but we can have babies together.

Now the black guy whom I’m still in love with is back and asking for a new beginning all over again. He wants us to settle down together. My problem is I’m so confused about him because of the way he acted. I’m still in love with him not minding the fact that he has kids already but I still have the white guy who I am dating but I don’t love him.

I don’t know who to settle with for life.

Let’s jump in with some good advice SL Fabz.

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26 Comments

  • Reply
    Betty
    December 27, 2013 at 11:39 am

    Don’t be in a hurry to say yes to both men,take your time,relationships are not games,both men as far as I can tell do not appericate u for who u are! Trust me the man who will take u stubborn and all will come your way! Turn your attention to other aspects of your life for now pls!

    • Reply
      lilian
      December 27, 2013 at 9:10 pm

      thank you betty, though it wasnt me asking the question but I actually am in same situation. I love you answer it spoke to me in great words you can never imagine. thank you again

  • Reply
    jane
    December 27, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Babes, please follow who you love, the white guy”you don’t love” why not go where your heart belongs, my opinion sha. But @ 29 you can decide whom will make you happier, wish you well boo.

  • Reply
    Timmy
    December 27, 2013 at 11:44 am

    It is better to marry someone that loves you than someone that you love. I would have adviced her to go for the white guy but he is not ready for marriage but please don’t make the mistake of having babies for him before marriage and don’t make the mistake of marrying the black guy either I don’t think he loves you enough. Final advice is wait and pray

  • Reply
    Samuel.C.
    December 27, 2013 at 11:52 am

    Yes, You are in love but the future matters.How sure are you that black guy who do not yell to your plea then because you are stubborn suddenly turns his mind again?
    One of the reasons for marriage in life is fulfillment, Do you think you can be fulfilled by marrying a man with three kids when you don’t really on you know about their mother.Just check yourself and his attitude or find out why he is not staying with the mother of three.
    Please, On the white guy only kids not marriage that’s on contract or what your age and future should be considered by now I will advise you to look on how to build a home if you want to marry.

    Above all God cant fail when you handover everything to Him just give Him a chance.
    You are blessed!

  • Reply
    CHISOM
    December 27, 2013 at 11:57 am

    This young lady should be able to figure out exactly what she wants. Does she want marriage or happiness? If it is marriage she wants, not minding whether it brings her happiness, she already has an offer. If it is happiness that she wants, not minding marriage, she also has an open offer. So the die is cast. For LOVE which she mentioned, she will continue to be disillusioned if uses it as basis for taking such a critical decision that bothers directly on her life and happiness now and in future. Love is an abstract universal concept, the meaning of which remains unclear to many. Let her b objective and not emotional about the whole issue.

    • Reply
      christabel
      December 27, 2013 at 1:17 pm

      It is better for her to go for what is want. And also let her not be too desperate for a husband so she will nt fine the wrong one

  • Reply
    taiye
    December 27, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    I think is better for you to pray over it let God guide you give him a chance to be your Alpha and the Omega and you will have cause to glorify Him in Jesus mighty name Amen. Good luck

  • Reply
    uc
    December 27, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    Don’t settle wiv any of dem,wait for someone who will love u even with ur flaws.

  • Reply
    vera
    December 27, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    Well, I wouldn’t say u shldnt go for any of them, bt u jst hav to be careful, both guys hv diff isues, u have to pray, sure u love one very mch, d question is dOes he love same, pray my sis, pray

  • Reply
    Bisi Awosanya
    December 27, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    Allow the two of them to move on. If you are career minded, I will advise you develop yourself and keep an open mind about relationships for now. Love is give and take and so is life. Appreciate your freedom and keep your eyes opened for the right person. I wish you well.

  • Reply
    Dola
    December 27, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    To me i will advice this lady to take time before making a decision and pray about it first.Then secondlly these two guys dose’nt love her sorry it might hurt am so sorry. If a guy loves you it should be totaly wiith everything in you , so dont rush your love will locate you soon.

  • Reply
    Linda Raphael
    December 27, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    My dear just take your time, don’t rush into relationship stuffs because you feel you need a companion. Its obvious both guys don’t appreciate, just hold on the right man ‘ll come your way.

  • Reply
    Esther
    December 30, 2013 at 7:32 am

    Marriage is not to be rushed into, u rush in u rush out. Better to be late and enjoy it than enduring heart breaks.

  • Reply
    wumi emiko
    December 30, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    babe if i were u i wil go 4 d black guy becoz he wrng u bt he still cum bk 4 u n u stil love him go 4 it gal just grab it

  • Reply
    Evans Ekorhi
    December 30, 2013 at 9:32 pm

    If you still love the guy go for him, but, you have to do away with those things that caused your break up

  • Reply
    Chantel
    December 30, 2013 at 10:51 pm

    My advice is follow ur heart cos ur heart will neva lead u astray.

  • Reply
    Aloy
    December 31, 2013 at 11:24 am

    Hello dear, the most importnt issue in dis situation is d way u feel and wot u want. Go 4 ur heart bt mak sure he stl loves u…..best of luck dear.

  • Reply
    Omolewa Lemboye
    December 31, 2013 at 11:38 am

    Pls my dear take ur time and think about it and I we say happiness is de best bcus if u roach in 2 marriage and dere is not happiness my dear de marriage we not last so think about it very well be4 u take any decision.

  • Reply
    Modinat
    January 1, 2014 at 7:19 am

    Young lady, my very first advice to u is to Love yourself and remember that only u can determine ur happiness. Secondly, those two guys aint the only men in the world. There are far better prospects out there. Take ur time baby girl and with prayers you can have both happiness and marriage.
    I am talking from experience. Trust in God & he will not let u down.

  • Reply
    Catherine
    January 1, 2014 at 7:35 am

    my luv……atimes we get deceived by wat we call love…4 important questions u shud ask urself: y did he leave d first time? y is he back nw? or r u no longer stubborn? He has 3 kids already. …wat makes u fink he will nt abandon u like he did 2 d mothers of those 3 kids? Think well dear…… All d best

  • Reply
    spunky
    January 5, 2014 at 10:57 pm

    love is a beautiful thing but if misapplied hurts, while you love also think.
    for a better man to come you have to let go, cause they are covering the space for the better man. with an open heart praying to God but not in desperation your own you will see. not all that glitter that is gold carefullness my dear. pls read Eph.5:33.

  • Reply
    kaffylola
    January 15, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    My dear sis, you need a prayer and fasting because is the best solution for a successfully marriage, tears unto God and he wil not lead you astray. I which you the best of marriage in life. For the sake of the words LAHILA ILALAHU. There is no other God espect Almighty Allah and i testify that he is ONE.

  • Reply
    NTAMO KINGSLEY
    January 27, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    the number one impression is how you live your life, and dont be in a hast, dont make the man feel as if you are desperate, you when you ask such question thousands of men will come to you not for your love but money while some will come to have an affair with you but for me i will say that you should pray over it and listen to your dream

  • Reply
    Grace Wum
    March 16, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Follow ur hrt

  • Reply
    temmy
    March 5, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    my dear just follow ur heart, I also have such experience and I wish I could talk to steph about it too.

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