Relationships Talk to Steph

Talk To Steph: I don’t want to be deceived again

Hi Stephanie,

I’m glad that you are an example for women. I have been in relationships for 3 years with my boyfriend but my concern is about my future with him. Last summer in 2014, I had an issue with him regarding our future. His mother started to get him other women for him which was upset on how could he allow this in our relationship. When he traveled back home in January, some of my friends warn me that he won’t be the same person which was the fact. He refused to tell me what happened over there. He took me to his uncle last year before I travelled then in my head I understood that he was serious.
After the incident happen last summer, we decided to split I mean Me who decided because I couldn’t take this anymore the pressure of his family getting involved in our relationship which affected it. I started to loose trust in him since he got back home so I started to check his Facebook and messages. I got so mad at him when I found out that he was chatting to another women. I asked myself what did I do wrong to deserve this. I stood by his side when no one was there. He gave me the key of his house that was also like my own because he said he got a house for both of us. We decorated together and everyone was amazed about it. I really treated him like the way a housewife will do for his man even though we were not married. Recently during summer I was so depressed that I lost so much weight while trying to move on. He kept on asking of me to chat or see each other. When I got in contact with him back. We started to talk to try to solve the problem but my question is I don’t want to waste my time with someone who is not ready to be committed to me. I was planning during summer to introduce him to my family to make it official and going ahead for the rest but since I don’t know his mind. I don’t want to have any attachments feeling even though we have a strong chemistry. Before I was so concerned about us because I have to consider him in my life but since I don’t want to bother again. I want to plan my life with or without him. What should I do? I don’t want to be deceived again and particularly giving hope. We are not from the same country. I am in my final year at the University. I am really grateful what he has done for me particularly in my education, he really helped me. He is very caring person and no man has ever treat me this way with respect.

Thanks in advance
Please help me

A reader left this heart touching note for me recently. Please jump in with some good advice for her.

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11 Comments

  • Reply
    evangeline
    January 14, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    first of all…you have really tried your best and yes no man have treated you the way he did doesn’t mean another won’t treat you better in future. you did your best and you deserve better. I wont advise you to leave him but just know the past have to be left for the better future plan to fall in place.if you wanna see him,its okay but you must be sure that the family accepts you too.if they don’t and you venture into such marriage you are headed for hell already…since the family has been the one influencing him,let them accept you too before you make the decision of staying.if not..walk out,so straight up without looking back cause the one that was brought up by a queen that will treat u like a princess is waiting on you.
    secondly,why would a man who claim to love u not trust you to disclose his worries to you,why cant he stand up for u,why would he give in to pressures and start considering other girls to extent of secret chatting?…now with all these do you really think he will make a wonderful husband to u? let your sincere answer also direct you.
    many Girls make the mistake thinking they wont find another like their ex and they end up regretting at last..but i tell u till u accept you deserve better,only then will the best come to you.
    finally PRAY FERVENTLY,God will direct your footsteps
    goodluck!

    • Reply
      Solomon M.
      January 22, 2015 at 4:34 am

      I have been in a relaionship for about 3yr now. Yet i just don’t understand why my girl can’t keep to me. She makes me feel i don’t trust her when i cautioned her about undue attention she gives to her colleague. She calls and recieves calls from him anytime including midnites, quite early in the morning and they chat all day via txt messages. My fone is open for her to gain access but she locks her with secret pins. I discovered she has a third fone just some few days back and i do not have the mobile no of that fone. Am really eager to marry but am so confused coz i just can’t leave her coz i luv her so much. Pls what do i do?

  • Reply
    stephen Tebu
    January 14, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    Never give up on him. Be patient and try to work things out if, you truelly love him.

  • Reply
    happiness ogboru
    January 14, 2015 at 4:19 pm

    Hi steph,all he wants is sex,I love him so much and I belive he love me too.but any time I refuse sex we end up in a fight and that has become a big problem to me,I have tryed discussing it with him several time but he failed to reason with me.And am afraid if I leave him how sure am I to get a better guy.whenever am with him sex must be involed,I don’t want to be deceived steph.

  • Reply
    Racheal Laye Edward
    January 15, 2015 at 9:24 am

    You said it Urself,
    “He respects U”
    To me that’s Love.
    He treats U right too.
    Stop invading his Privacy,
    You sound like you don’t trust him.
    3 years is such a long time.
    Work on U n build ur trust.
    Pray n talk to ur boo abt the interference of his family in ur relationship that u don’t like.
    Let him know how U feel.

    If U feel u can’t handle his baggage,
    Move On!

  • Reply
    Vanessa
    January 15, 2015 at 7:59 pm

    Hi steph Please how do i send a letter or an issue for u to respond.

  • Reply
    Oge
    January 16, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    My dear, its funny that in this life, the things that we fear most ends up coming our way. Love him as u have alwys do and let your love speak for u.

  • Reply
    M. O. G
    January 18, 2015 at 6:14 am

    U see, love is a beautiful thing dont get it twisted. U confessd it urself he’s caring and all that. Jst try to meet with him tell him ur plight and how u feel abt the interference of his family of ur relationship and judge him with his reply, and also, u have to check urself d way u do anytime u see his family because there’s some family that “LOVE RESPECT” if u are nt a respect type it will be very difficult 4 u.

  • Reply
    Gwen
    January 22, 2015 at 12:58 pm

    Hello Vanessa,wen u talk of caring i believe its includes nt cheating take note. Well wat i can tell u is this u are the one who know this guy better cuz u hve been with him for three yrs i quest u shld no him better and if yr conclusion says he his nt thesame again only u best the decision to take that will suit u.Ppel will tell u live,stay since he is caring thats their opinion cuz it has nt come to them.So do wat u think is best for after all a decision is best taken wen u are in the situation.

  • Reply
    abanulor jessica owen
    January 23, 2015 at 3:56 pm

    pray to God, and trust in him cause with him all things are possible. make him the foundation of this relationship and then you will see his glory on your lifes. thats my advice to you

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