Talk to Steph

Talk To Steph: I do every thing a wife does but he hasn’t proposed

A StephanieDaily reader, Ify, sent in this touching email:

Me and my boo have been dating off and on for the past four years. We started in 2011, took a break when he traveled out for his Masters and got back together in January 2014. We both dated other people while he was away. He dated a white girl while I dated an older guy (old enough to be my Dad, age difference is 25 years) but it was actually a real relationship without financial benefits. So for me it was like dating a regular guy. I am a very independent lady. I don’t earn so much but I can take care of myself and pride myself on that.

Anyways, my boo was mad when he found out that I had dated someone that old. He said I was a runs girl and that I had ruined the picture he had of me before he traveled. He still wanted to be in relationship with me and we started one. There were a couple of occasions when we would fight and he would bring up the past but with time that stopped.

Fast forward to December 2014, we were robbed while I was traveling for the Christmas holiday and his car was stolen with all my luggage in it. I felt guilty and still feel guilty his car was stolen because he was going to drop me off at the park when the robbery happened. 2015 began and things have been very tight for us. We live together and we both make use of my car. We both have loans we are paying off. He has school loans, I have loans from the office. I have been the one providing for the both of us for the last 2 months but I don’t feel the strain. I do it because I love him. But I noticed recently that his temper is really short. He gets angry at the slightest provocation and says I don’t respect him. The thing is I don’t get where this sudden need to be respected is coming from because I do every thing a wife does when I haven’t even been proposed to. Every fight we have had this year is about me being disrespectful and I don’t understand it.

I love him, but I don’t know if I can continue with this relationship with him being angry all the time. I’m scared he might get violent one of these days. Should I stay or should I go?

Dear Ify,
I know you must be very confused right now about the situation in your relationship, and I understand. Firstly, I’d like to point out that your boyfriend’s ego has been bruised with the loss of his car and his financial situation. No man finds it comfortable having a woman take care of his needs and that’s probably why he is taking it out on you. The ‘respect’ he is looking for is probably missing in his own eyes because he sees you have the financial advantage over him.
On another note, I’d like to say that living with a man you are not married to is not the best choice to make. The fact that you do everything a wife does is no guarantee that he will marry you. I’d like you to think deeply about this and make a good decision that will be best for both of you.
I sincerely wish you the very best and hope you find peace soon.
SL Fabz, do you have any advice for Ify? Drop it in the comments box.

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9 Comments

  • Reply
    Tabot
    April 12, 2015 at 11:46 pm

    Why Dont You Try Me Baby,i Believe I We Take Care Of You.

  • Reply
    Ann awetua
    April 13, 2015 at 4:32 am

    I have a problem with guys asking me out for a relationship. I don’t know if am so unlucky or wat I dnt even know if I will be able to get married.what do I do am so worried .pls help me out

  • Reply
    Jimmy
    April 13, 2015 at 2:30 pm

    Hey Ify! I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. But really like stephanie rightly said, He feels disrespected because he isn’t handling the financial aspect of your relationship and that is enough trouble for a man. It makes him see little things you do as being disrespectful ‘We like to be in control’ And secondly forgive me, but living with him and performing the duties of a wife won’t give him a reason to propose anytime soon. This is because he is already enjoying the benefits of a husband. Take your time, talk with him and sort everything out. Don’t leave dark portions in your relationship, its dangerous. I wish you the best dear! You will be fine.

  • Reply
    Obiofia..
    April 13, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    He hasn’t proposed because
    1) You haven’t required him to..
    2)Change the motive behind the actions and the results will change too..

  • Reply
    Awoyaa
    April 13, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    I want to email u directly

  • Reply
    Arinze Chiji
    April 14, 2015 at 10:40 am

    Ify, Stephanie has said it all!

  • Reply
    Racheal Laye Edward
    April 15, 2015 at 12:34 am

    Dear ify, I’m with aunty steph on this One.
    All the best

  • Reply
    peter vera
    April 21, 2015 at 12:31 pm

    Aunty steph has already said it all I dnt tink u still need anyoda beta advice dan dat..

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