Blog Talk to Steph

Should I share my secret with him?

Hey people! The last few weeks have been tough due to the Aluu4 issue. That event broke me to pieces, and I am glad some of the perpetrators of the hideous act have been caught. We will get justice for those young men (Amen!). So I am back to normal blogging now! Thanks for all the emails you sent! Below is the regular Talk-to-Steph. Let’s give some advice to Nina.

Dear Stephanie,

I am about getting married to my fiancé in a few months. I am so thankful to have met a man as caring as he is. We’ve dated for 18 months and he proposed last month, everything is set as we countdown to our big day in March 2013. The issue now is…I had dated his father a long time ago when I was a student in University. He was a randy man and used to come to the campus with some of his friends, and with the help of some popular male students, they’d organise girls for him. That was how I met him. I partied with him and his friends for like 6 months before I got pregnant but I got an abortion, and that was when I decided to stop seeing him. I missed the money that came with being his lay but I was proud of my decision. Many years later, I now work in a reputable firm, make my own money and I am a strong believer of God. I have a wonderful relationship with my man and it was whilst we were dating that I realised who his father was. The father is late now, but I’d seen his pictures on my fiancé’s phone and looked through the family album with my soon-to-be mother-in-law and was able to recognise him. The shock almost killed me! Deep down I feel so much guilt; but the man is no longer alive. Do I need to tell my fiancé anything about what I had with his father when I was young and foolish? – Nina

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186 Comments

  • Reply
    Juliet
    October 18, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    i’ll advice u tell him about it to ease u of d constant guilt u r exposing urself to, if he forgives u and still wants to marry u, then u r lucky, but if not, its better to be free than live in bondage. u have to pray to God to guide u and take absolute control so dat things can work out well.

    wishing u luck as u try!

    • Reply
      Benson paul
      October 18, 2012 at 3:00 pm

      I hv a coment 4 Nina…let her go nd confess 2 her fiancee wen u confess ur sins u are fogiven remember d bible says wen u confess ur sins he will forgiv u and old things shall become new,,but if d guy cannot forgive and forget d past den he is not mature for marriage yet b-cus marriage is all about fofiting,forgiving,and let go so if a maturity of marriage did not understand dis in her boy heart den she should pray to God to link her up to her destiny man b-cus ur destiny man will not allow past over weigh d present…..thank u…I
      hv been praying 4 many years now dat one day I will meet Stephanie okereke one on one in my life..I hv my reason 4 dat..am Benson pauL.

      • Reply
        Grayce
        October 18, 2012 at 9:44 pm

        the Bible is talking about confessing sins to GOD…bt itd be good to tell the fiance since guilty conscience is bothering u. However, thankfully, you’v changd for the better and I dont think u have to…let it slide and move on…focus on being a good man for him

  • Reply
    Jesse
    October 18, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Every relationship is based on trust and good understanding.. I would advice you to tell him now and have a clean conscience or risk God’s anger on you for dating both father and son

  • Reply
    @PwettyTem
    October 18, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    THIS ONE NA SERIOUS MATTER O>>>.The matter hard no be small…*Confused*

  • Reply
    samsie
    October 18, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    not everything should be said.u have to realise you are a woman now and must weigh the possibilities. if u are the only One who knows about it nbetter keep mum.

  • Reply
    Onyinye
    October 18, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Wud just recommend u tak to ur Pastor/mentor/spiritual father. I think he is the only one who can help u out here bcos seriously no mata hw many advice u get here, u wnt be satisfied bcos people will tel u their own version of hw they understand it and in their own way of thinking…Good luck

  • Reply
    Temittayo
    October 18, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    This could play out in two different ways. you could tell him and he freaks out and becomes unforgiving joe or he could just let it sweep but He could use it has a verbal insults times later. in my opinion as long as u know u dont have any other thing to hide, pls say the truth because His fathers friends may recognise you and still tell him. bare out the truth and let whatever happen be a test if He’s urs and can handle ur past

  • Reply
    Dortmouth
    October 18, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Please if you really love him, just tell him about it. Fine he might never find out but what abt the guilt? And am sure if he truly cares for u he would appreciate d fact dat let out ur darkess secret. am sure he is nt a Saint!

  • Reply
    Alfy
    October 18, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    I think that the best thing you can do in a situation like this is to try and then talk it out with your partner, He will have to understand that you were young and foolish at that time and anyone could have made the same mistake.If he truly loves you and really want to settle down with you am sure that he will understand you more and respect ya more for confiding in him.

  • Reply
    Sharon Adjoa Amanda
    October 18, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    yeah dear u must be sincere with the man u are going to spend the rest of your life with so is good u tell him it must be hard but they say the truth hurts and is better that way than to lie so dear please gather courage and tell him everything and he will understand.

    • Reply
      Emmanuella onoyemu
      October 20, 2012 at 10:56 am

      My dear, if u must save ur relationship & ur intergrity pls dnt tell ur fiancee cos if u do dat love will suddendly depreciate, talk 2 god in secret 4 mercy & i assure u d 4giveness of ur sins. All d best!!!

  • Reply
    Enid Annoited
    October 18, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Nina, what i can say this. the truth sets people free. follow your heart and be faithful your fiance if you really love him.
    your heart will be free and know God loves you so much. we also love you too.
    take care.

  • Reply
    akinniyi
    October 18, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Pls nina don’t try & say u gonna tell him because is gonna leave 4 real just forget about d love he has 4u because is nt easy…just pray 2 God for forgviness & continue with ur wedn… Best of luck

  • Reply
    victoria amaka
    October 18, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Dot tell him,the man is late…just give ur life to christ .he said old things r pass away …

  • Reply
    Tina
    October 18, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    This is kind of difficult, however tell him now b4 someone else do and dat will be a big blow on u and he may never trust u again but if he truly love u he will forgive u though it might hurt him for a while he will get over it ‘cos u told him urself

  • Reply
    Keta
    October 18, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    No if it ain’t broke don’t fix it I say cause them he’ll tell his mom and them you’ll have the mother-in-law from hell you don’t need all that In a new marriage. I’m almost certain he has done foolish things during his college years maybe not like you maybe even worse and he will never tell you so pray and ask God to give you peace about the situation and move on girlfriend move on

  • Reply
    JUMMY
    October 18, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    HMMM MY DEAR U OUGHT TO HAV GUILTY CONSCIENCE BCOS U R A CHANGE PERSON.I’LL ADVICE U EXPLAIN ALL DAT HAPPENED TO UR PASTOR,AND UR PASTOR CN SIT HIM DOWN ND TALK TO HIM.IF U SHUD,HE MIGHT TURN IT ROUND ON U!

  • Reply
    Olusanya tope
    October 18, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    If u love him, u dont need 2 keep any secret. Tell him and if he truly loves u, he wil undestand. At least no body is perfect, even ur husband may av sleep wit many woman. If u afraid of telling him, cal ur pastor 2 follow u and explain 2 him. Bcos if u dont tel him u wil be guilty in heaven. Good luck. Tel him

  • Reply
    mubarak
    October 18, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Just ask ur guy if he really luv u, since d father issue is disturbing u just tel d guy u once knw his fahter if he really luv u and God said is u man he wil stay wit u forever to avoid double mind ok

  • Reply
    akorfa
    October 18, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    thnk u shud let him knw.since it happend b4 u met him.if he truely luv u,he will continue wit e marriage.tke hrt.it is well.

  • Reply
    OLABISI
    October 18, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    In my own opinion i dnt think dat info is needful for ur fiance particularly bcos d father is now late,d most important thing is it was ur past afterall d dead can bear witness against d living. Forgive urself dear and move on to enjoy ur marriage.cheers

    • Reply
      Rachel
      October 19, 2012 at 11:07 am

      well said

  • Reply
    walex
    October 18, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    yes tell him.bcos not telling him can hinder your marriage in d fufure.let him know .God will see u tru.

  • Reply
    ifyMary Okafor
    October 18, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    There is no need of telling your guy since the man is late let bye-gone be bye-gone, focus on the future and Be Prayerful.

  • Reply
    faith obari
    October 18, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Hmmmmmnnn, Nina its a though one here, all i can tell u is to pray about it before leting it out. We all have a past, he has his d’most interesting part is that u now a change person. After prayers wat eva it is ur instinct says u should jst do it so u wont live wit guilt all ur life. Bt be wise dear.

  • Reply
    Ejiro
    October 18, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Girlfriend, my advice is NO. Because it might destroy that relationship. If you have confessed your sins to God and ask for his forgiveness and you have truly repented.He has forgiven you, you don’t need to do anything again. Then don’t go back to the past it will only open fresh wounds.

    The past is gone, You don’t have to bring back the past to spoil your future relationship with your fiance, and not just your fiance alone his entire family. So my dear be wise. WISDOM IS PROFITABLE TO DIRECT.

    You don’t owe your fiance any apology because you did what you did out of ignorance and you weren’t dating him then. So there is no need to tell him. That’s my honest opinion…

  • Reply
    Esther
    October 18, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    I sincerly don’t think u should tell him,except u want to end ur relationship with him. The fact that u said u’re now a strong believer is good enough. U’ve stopped that kind of life,so let it remain in ur past pls. U should not tell ur fiancee otherwise it will destroy ur relationship.

  • Reply
    TM
    October 18, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Okay,now i know what to advice Nina,Thank GOD the man is dead and gone.Its ur turn to let BY GONE be BY GONE….Keep it to yourself or u ruin ur marital destiny…

    • Reply
      Rachel
      October 19, 2012 at 11:08 am

      well said…ur past is ur past,,,bury it

  • Reply
    Eve
    October 18, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Wow! Dear that’s serious! Ok i will put myself in you shoe…. To say the truth the situation is a difficult one but there is one question i will want to ask you first. If u didnt know the father wld you have related all your past to your fiancé? If im the one wldnt have said it to him. Now the dad is no more and im sure he is still suffering from the lost and… misses him. Do you really want to bring painful memories ? If it’s me NO. So now you are happy and a changed person. Please put your past behing u if u want to evlouate and be happy. Ask for forgiveness from God and be free my siste

    Sorry for the bad english im a francophone *

    Eve – From cameroon

  • Reply
    ALLISON
    October 18, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    You need to share your secret with him as husband to be. Let him know your past and if he loves you, he will not hold on on your past experience. Its better you share it now and face the consequences than later.

  • Reply
    BrownPee
    October 18, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    My dear Nina,is normal to feel guilty and i thank God ‎​​U̶̲̥̅̊я a changed person now. ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ dnt hav to tell him, he’ll find it difficult to swallow. ₪☺ man wuld want to be wit a woman who had affair wit d Biological Father expecially*No Nigerian Man# do ursef a favour nd keep being a gud wife and pray to God to giv ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ d strength to move on. That is life for ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊. The only person ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ owe apology is God nd he’s d only one clean enuff to judge ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊! And ‎​​U̶̲̥̅̊я now a new person,God doesn’t remember wut ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ did in ‎​​U̶̲̥̅̊я sch days. If ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ mistakenly tell ‎​​U̶̲̥̅̊я Fiance, ‎​​U̶̲̥̅̊я love life wit him will neva remain d ‎​S̶̲̥̅ɑ̣̣̝̇̇​m̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥​. Trust M̶̲̥̅ε̲̣̣̣̥!

  • Reply
    Collins
    October 18, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Nina should let the sleeping dog lies

  • Reply
    Amara
    October 18, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    God in His infinite mercy has buried ur secret, that’s why the father is dead. Why exhume stinking corpse? Pls let sleeping dog lie!

  • Reply
    Onyinye
    October 18, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Wz putting myself in ur shoes!!! i detest dishonesty especially in a relationship, i believe in love so let me say if he truly believe in u and if he is really urs, He will fgive and know that nobody is perfect. evrybdy makes mistakes one time or the other….If u leave it and hide it…FATE has a way of dealing with people…Wat abt his friends dat he usually comes to see u wit, Anyway, all i know is Talk to God first in prayer b4 talking to him…U may be surprise, God alwyz surprise us……It tks ur heart and strength

  • Reply
    gloria
    October 18, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    No don’t tell him let bye gone be bye gone

  • Reply
    Jimjay
    October 18, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Haaaa! She should just go to d Lord in prayer for forgiveness. She doesn’t need to come out at all at all. Moreso d daddy is no more. Even d bible says, in all things, apply wisdom.

  • Reply
    omakwu stephani
    October 18, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    I think what Ʊ had with ur man’s father is in the past. Nt everything that happens in past is brought to the present though the guilt is going to keep disturbing you. Besides your actions then were naïve. There’s no need telling ur fiance about Ʊ and his late dad.

  • Reply
    Lindsy
    October 18, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    Accepted u were young, reckless and foolish but if u ask me, I would say sinece he is late and gone,best is let the past die. Before u accept Christ am sure u were. Ready to see u as a new being so pls former things have passed away,let it go;cast it out of your mind and memeory….for your happiness sake! Cos d young man may or may not take it lightly. Wish u d best,cheers!

  • Reply
    audrey
    October 18, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    Please leave the pass behind since u r changed individual. Ur present n future actions should judge u n not ur past. By telling u only complicate matters for urself. Some truth r left untold n this is one of those.

  • Reply
    timi
    October 18, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    My candid advice would be that, she reveal the secret to the guy because sooner or later the hiden secret will reveal itself and by that time it would be hell….. Note B: i wont advice her to talk about the abortion, cos what u dont know wont disturb ur mind…..

  • Reply
    Amos erijo
    October 18, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    U said u are a strong believer, if u are pray to God to show u a way to say it out one day. But 4 me i advice that let the wedding be done first, and u let it go of our mind’ i mean b4 saying it out

  • Reply
    ann ejeh
    October 18, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    i dont tink there is a need 4 dat cos his late nw and tank God u say u re doing something dat is helping u nw just pray to God to giv u de strenght, be urself, it wel with God Almighty.

  • Reply
    Mildy
    October 18, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    This is nemesis,northing is hidding under the sun,u better tell him before he find out somehow,but b4 u tell him pray & fast the God should intervien on ur case,bcos he might find out after the wedding through his father’s friends & that will be d worst case,tell him & beg him for forgivness for u to be free from the guilt.I will pray for u,may God be wit u as u take the bold step.

  • Reply
    Ada Okpara
    October 18, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    For me is a thing of d past,better not tell ur man b/c he might c u as a retired runs girl

  • Reply
    ebi smart
    October 18, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    Nina, Ɣ☺Ʊ don’t need to tell ur fiance anything. What Ɣ☺Ʊ had wirh his father is in rhe past before Ɣ☺Ʊ met my fiance and moreovet the man is dead so i don’t think Ɣ☺Ʊ need to open a can of worms. Ride on girl. Happy wedding.

  • Reply
    susan
    October 18, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Gal don’t say A̶̲̥̅ word .cos ur fiance won’t trust U̶̲̥̅̊ again go ahead wif your normal life and ask God 4 forgiveness

  • Reply
    nkem ikem
    October 18, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Just tell him about it all,if the two of you are to be it will be so just know he may leave you or may not just tell him

  • Reply
    Paschal
    October 18, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    My dear, thank God for making you realise your mistake years ago. Since your father inlaw is dead, What your suffering is just self guilt which only you can be able to cure by opening up. However, before you open up, i want you to carefully study your husband and know how he reacts when you break such news to him. Will it push him to quitting the proposed marraige? If the answer is positive, advice you to keep it to yourself until after the marraige. Besides you dont need to habour so much guilt over your past life, a lifestyle y you have abadoned. Many people have made various mistakes in life which the have repented of. And part of the repentance starts by first forgiving yourself. How can you forgive yourself when you keep remembering your past lifestyle? Its only past, you have repented and prayed to God for forgiveness. So i suggest you focus on the happiness of your marraige and forget entirely about your past lifestyle. Meet with your church pastor for proper spiritual guidiance. Good luck.

  • Reply
    Best Kbrown
    October 18, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    The best thing to do here is pray 4giveness from God and move on wit urlife…its ur past,Dnt break ur mans heart by teling him…u’ve nt 4given urself so God has not 4given u too that is why u’re still feeling guity…wish u the Best…

  • Reply
    onojah gloria
    October 18, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    My dear no man will take dat it is ur past n let it die wit ur past lucky u d fada is no longer alive.wot else do u want.

  • Reply
    maureen
    October 18, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    I don’t fink U̶̲̥̅̊ shld. U̶̲̥̅̊’l only b distroyin ur relationship. Some truth A̶̲̥̅̊я̲̣̥ε̲̣̣̣̥ better left untold.like you said, ‘U̶̲̥̅̊ were young n folish’.U̶̲̥̅̊ jst av 2 find a way 2 4giv urself.telling ur fiance isn’t d best move

  • Reply
    titilayo
    October 18, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Serious issue

  • Reply
    ireju iwunze
    October 18, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Dear Nina, pls do not tell ur Fiance that u slept with his Father, since his father is Late. If he were alive, I would have advised u to let ur Fiance know what transpired between u and his Father. Pls, talk to God to help u get over the guilt that u feel. With God all things are Possible. Plan for your wedding, think of how u’ll spend ur honeymoon, how to be a good wife, mother and Sister-in-law. Read books on Marriage and make ur Marriage an Envy to ur world. Forget about the PAST AND MOVE ON WITH UR LIFE! Best wishes!

  • Reply
    Vincent
    October 18, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Nina,u must know here that what ever happened in ur past is in ur past. Tell him d “TRUTH”

  • Reply
    Lizzy
    October 18, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Dear nina my advice 2 u is 2 tell him, dnt start with his father bt hw u were living bfore he came along tell him everytin nina bcs ur mind ll nt b at peace if u dnt.

  • Reply
    LAWAL AHMED IBRAHIM
    October 18, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    She can continue with the marriage proposal but also need to let him know the truth of her relationship with his late father bcos if she doesn’t, one day one of his late father friend’s will surely use that to black mail her and her fiancy could get angry with her seriously for not telling him the truth. It is rather important to let him know right on time than to keep silent and if he truely loves her ,he’ll forgive her considering the fact that his father is late. Hope she’ll find my advise helpful. Regards

  • Reply
    Princess Gaius
    October 18, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Since you have aborted the baby and the father is late now and you have change to a new life. I think you should live the sleeping dog lay. Unless he asked to know how bad your past life was.then you know you have to tell him.

  • Reply
    natasha
    October 18, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Dear Nina, I know u feel quilty for all ur reckless habit when u were a girl but u can’t let that affect ur future, u love ur fiance and he probably loves u too so y will u want 2 spoil that, all I’m trying 2 say is, leave d past in d past and move on but if it comes up in d future then u can handle it.

  • Reply
    Dolarsindy
    October 18, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Swthrt,I’m sry ur past mistakes r nw hunting u lyk a shadow,bt wat i suggest u do is 2 tell hm,its preety hard 2 do. Yes! Bt it’s beta u do it nw nd clear thngs dan wen he finds out l8r by hmslf,nd trust me if he realy luvs u, he wil nt bcos of dat call it quit. Nd dnt think bcos d man hs dead d secret hs, no! Lyk u said u hung out wit hm & hs frnds nd i supos dy r nt al dead. So dear,mke hay yle d sun shine.

  • Reply
    Black Samuel
    October 18, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Nina, if u want ur love 2 continue, plz neva aer out that thing just kip it at hrt till death do u apart it’s gd u got saved. Wish u da best.

  • Reply
    NIRA
    October 18, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Plz plz plz don’t tell him. I know some ppl are of the opinion that there shouldn’t be secrets,but it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie. Believe me,the second you tell him,he’ll not look at you the same again. Even if he says he’s forgiven you,things will not be the same. Can you imagine what will happen if he tells his mother??? Pls just don’t tell him. Thank goodness the man is even dead!!!

  • Reply
    marshal
    October 18, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Pls if she is a change person now,n love her guy let her tell d fince d full story bcos as life goes on, he will discover d secreet.let dat call love make her 2 let d cat out of d cage.

  • Reply
    kevin
    October 18, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    I believe you should leave the pass where it is, in the pass. Telling him will bring up complication with may later lead to total disintegration of what u guys have and more trasic, what is to be. But the ultimate decision is your, put some good thoughts into it.
    Good luck.

  • Reply
    Ewulum Joy
    October 18, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Well 4 me, I will say Nina should not tell d husband tobe becos not all men will understand n there is no going back once u have said it. N again if u believe is in d past, old things have Pass away, n pray abt it

  • Reply
    Tony
    October 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Dear sis tel hm ur past experience wit his father,if he luvs u he should nt luk @ d past cos without mistake there ‘ll b no correction.n if God says he z ur future husband nothing ‘ll stop hm one more ask God 4giveness n let his mercy b upon u tnx hv a wonderful day.

  • Reply
    vin
    October 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Its very risky tellin him d truth now dat u’re about 2 wed. I’ll advice u don’t say it at all since d man is late except u wnt 2 make ur fiance nt 2 luv u again

  • Reply
    pat
    October 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    I wld advice to let him knw of it, d question is his reaction…. If he is an understandable man he shd knw that its nt a new thing… Or hw r u sure has nt dated somone’s mother too…. Tell him if he quit meanin he coursed himself never to get truth frm women again till he died…

  • Reply
    ajangs kalio,juliet
    October 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Tell him b4 he hears it outside especially 4rm his fada’s frnds. If he luvs u ,he’ll accept u who you are,bsides u are a bliever. Tanks

  • Reply
    jean
    October 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Nina some secrets can spoil a relationship but my advise to u is tell him not cos of him but for God. If e is urs God will make it work if not u av 2 move on. Cos my darl God opinion b4 any odas..wish u luck

  • Reply
    rita
    October 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    yes, you need to tell your man.if u are feeling guilty that means its the right thing to tell him.he will still love you. you didn’t cheat on him. hmmm, about your mother inlaw, she can’t find out. be breave and tell him. if he wants to cut off the wedding then he dosen’t deserve a honesty, loyal and truefull wife like you.

  • Reply
    Njoku-umeh joy
    October 18, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    Dear Nina,
    please tell your man and free your mind.if you keep it in your heart,you will definately live with him in guilt.if he trully loves you,he will over look it.
    Joy

  • Reply
    diana
    October 18, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    put fear aside and tell him,if realing u love God & dis man.

  • Reply
    George ogbomwan
    October 18, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Pls nina, let the sleeping dog lie i beg you and marry in peace but if you feel you are resless and cannot comprihend the torsure then evaluate your fiance emotion how he re-out to things that concerns you, then call him ask him darling pls. I have a secret but i don’t no if to tell you or forget it but i no if you here it from me it would be better, then here his repply, if you sees it geniune then go ahead tell him no mater his reactions all you we say is that i thank God now that my conscience is clear you never can tell may be he also have his own secret so don’t be afraid what we be most be if he is your destined husband these is nothing to break you apart go ahead hapi marrage in advance bless you nina!

  • Reply
    ruth emmanuel
    October 18, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    This is a serious,fragile,delicate n a pathetic issue. My dear, the bible said “old things have passed away……..” The only thing there is that….if his mum wasn’t aware of your past with her late husband then you can keep it to yourself, but if the reverse is the case, then you don’t have any option than to open up to your fiancé and let him know what your past led you into. “Be strong and be of a good cheer”

  • Reply
    naomi
    October 18, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    i it better to tel u husband-to-be- abt ur relationship wit is father cos it will nt be gud if he find out abt it on ur wedding day if his fathers frndz cum to d wedding en see it en leta tel im abt it. plz i tink u shuld tel im dnt mind diz saying dat let d die be 4gt cos if he find out abt it he will neva 4gv u even if u guy get married.. dat marriage will nt last it wil be ful of suspect en dia wil be no trust so is beta u tel im nw den wen it late

  • Reply
    oluranti
    October 18, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Dear, it is better u jst keep it to yourself, cos u dnt knw how he would feel.

  • Reply
    malgwi safio
    October 18, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    I always hold the belief that, if you are old enough to take a decision, you should be old enough to accept the consequence. Since she decided to experienment with randy old men back then, she should be willing to pay for her sins by telling her fiancé this naked truth now, before its late. Better a house built on the foundation of truth than on lies. Who knows if someone who knew her back then comes to tell him after they are married.
    He deserve to know the truth, if she is a believer as she claims. That would be the ideal thing to do.
    Wishing her luck with that.

  • Reply
    peeee
    October 18, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    There’s no need, its ur past! And the man is no longer alive, so pls work on ur mind and get over it!

  • Reply
    Julius E.
    October 18, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Wht has appe.has appe.if ur guy did nt want 2 no let it be,but if u feel u most tell he than tell he,at d moment it wht will give u peace of mind dat i encounage u 2 do also if u guy is understanding as u said he will still luv u if nt ur marry will nt work so for me let he no so dat u do nt end up been unhappy in d marry hope i was able 2 help.

  • Reply
    Nyakato jackline
    October 18, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Pliz dont cos d moment u tell him will b d end of ur rlship. As fate may have it,u r destined for dat family,y wud GOD bring his son after d dad?BESIDES pray for Gods guidance.

  • Reply
    abdallah
    October 18, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Just b honest and tel him straight about Ur past don’t hide so dat ur spirit wil b at rest 4 ur marriage. If he truly loves u he wil take u in afteral we all fall victim one way or the other. And if he refuse 4get him he is not ur choosen one. Marriage is 4 better 4 Worse. Sorry

  • Reply
    joyce
    October 18, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    I know it’ll be a very difficult decision to make, but the wisest. yes you should tell him. What you re about entering is marriage & nt just some kind of relationship, since you said you partied with him (his father) & his friends it simply means your fiance would find out sooner or later even though his father is dead. So it’s better it comes from you now if he loves you so much he’ll take it even though it hurts, afterall it happened when you’ve nt meet. Good luck on that .

  • Reply
    Ihuoma Eme
    October 18, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    I think you should come with your man, because. Hw might get to know anytime and if that happens, he will never forgive you. You might be scared of loosing now, trust me if he is yours , he’s going nowhere. If you really love him, its better you save him the double of one being once his father’s mistress and not been able to tell him when you were supposed to (the pain of having been told by someone else) this will destroy everything he ever felt for you. Telling him will convince him of your genuinety. God help you cheers !!!

  • Reply
    don wany
    October 18, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    my advise for you was,move on with ur life..you do not need to tell him my sister unless you want to loose ur up coming wedding..dnt forget to pray

  • Reply
    Eugenia
    October 18, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    dearest nina, pls cheer up. what happened was your past, i think u should talk to your guy and tell him the truth. so you can have rest of mind.God will touch his heart for your favour. it is well with u.

  • Reply
    ijeoma ede
    October 18, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    My dear Nina, its a mistake u made wen u were young n naïve girl but now u r a grown woman n soon to be a wife n mother. My advice is for u pray to God to touch d heart of ur man to forgive u n accept ur mistake, den u tell him d whole truth. If he’s for u God will make him stay if not let Gods will be done. Don’t build ur marriage on lies it will eventually hunt u in future

  • Reply
    Clara
    October 18, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Nina that’s why it’s very wrong for a single lady 2 date a married man because you don’t know where fate will land you now this. Although he’s dead, you still need your present date to know because if you don’t, your husband 2 to will one way or the other get to know, then you’ll start regretting. So think he has the right to know

  • Reply
    urban stone
    October 18, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Their is know piont telling her man,she should let the past remem in the past lucky for her the man is no more thinks

  • Reply
    annie
    October 18, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Frend! The bible says… Old things av pass away & ur r nw a new creature. Jst go away & justified ur mind by lettin him know the truth.

  • Reply
    adedoyin
    October 18, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    I think yes u have to let him no abt ur pasts and am really sure he giong to forgive u truthly if he really luvs u, everyone has a bad past to tell his or her partner: note if u didn’t tell him ur frd may do wish will even worsting d problem but put everything in prayer to God to help u to be bold to tell him at d right time. It is well

  • Reply
    Ries
    October 18, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Nina:What you are fighting here is guilt.[the issue here is why that guilt still haunts you].In the wild old days, anybody can do anything!What matters is how you metamorpose through and after a mistake.You can never open and read a new chapter when you are still stuck in the last.
    When you turned godly,and repented you wild past and did sin no more, that was enough for that guilt to have ebbed away.You are ‘self incriminating’. Life can be looked at backwards but, has to be lived foward.
    When love comes knocking at your door,let it in as there may not be another time around.
    YOU HAVE THESE BENEFITS, SO USE THEM BEFOREHAND.
    -Be truthful and tell your man you had a fling with your dad at college, and once you realized it was wrong you backed out.[if you don’t someone who knew you at college may do that one time, and your hubby will hold you in low esteem; foretold will be effect less and a sign of openness and trust]
    -The demise of his dad.
    -Timing factor,this is the very time to open up your fears, doubts and leave your guilt for perish.After proposal, the worst that can ever happen is to rescind after an honest truth has been brought to light by a concerned party.
    -Lastly,if that abortion was your personal secret, somethings are better not told,live it to lie where it belongs.Soon you will manufacture other babies and it will be no more.
    – A loving husband, choose an ideal time, place within the heights of this time before the wedding and; as it were begin: My most effectionate and loving husband to be, God has chosen us two lives,two hearts in friendship, united forever in love.It is with utmost sincerity that today and now I would like to share some aspects of my past life: AND YOU BROACH THE SUBJECT………
    Sincerely if you boy friend truly loves you…..;
    IT WILL BE TILL DEATH DO YOU PART.

    Ries Redemptor.

  • Reply
    Kempess
    October 18, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Its such an entangled situation she finds herself in. However, I will suggest she keeps her past to herself for the sake of salvaging her present glorious relationship with the one she loves. Everybody has secrets and skeletons in the closet. Her fiance might have his which he never shared with her who know. Being young, foolish and wild comes with a price. Plus am sure it was out of poverty that she accepted the fancy things her fiancee’s dad proposed. She is grown now and has her own. I would advice her to bury her past life and look to the future with her present love. Its better he finds out himself if he ever will , but not through her. She should just thank God for her job and her man and enjoy life to the fullest .

  • Reply
    Owen
    October 18, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Sis, forgive yourself and observe the law of silence. Besides, he’s dad is dead and so is your past. If you choose to resurrect it, sorry you’ll experience the true meaning of the phrase ‘life is unfair’. Put yourself in his shoes. Anyways, live your life sister its a new dawn. Happy married life in advance.

  • Reply
    patience
    October 18, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Dnt let d past be,since u are now a child of God old tins have past away behold all tins hv now becom new.dnt let him know keep d secret urslf,bcs d moment u declose it to him u will loose him,bcs no human hrt can bear dat exept for God’s intervention.

  • Reply
    mkada ashton
    October 18, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I. Think you should sit him down an tell him everything jus like how you takea your time tao post dis, he is gonna bea your lovely wedded husband jus noaw so he deserve to kno, tell him before someone else does an spoil everythin for you.

  • Reply
    john Amandi
    October 18, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    To me,it will be better you tell him about it because if after he came to know about it some how or from another angle ,he will find it difficult to forgive you. So tell him about it and if truely he love you,the relationship will continue as I believe that nobody is above mistake. Truth is bitter but it have to be said. Goodluck.

  • Reply
    funbi fakunle
    October 18, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    dear Nina, i believe one way you must have told your fiance about your past and as a strong believer like you ve said,you should have mentioned his father to him as part of your ignorance while growing up?a relationship of 2yrs isn’t a joke most especially while planning to raise a family together.James 5 says we should tell our sin to one another. forget about this 2yrs thing u’r talking abt or bringing up as an excuse of protecting ur relationship, pls it doesn’t work in reality. I believe you should pray for God’s wisdom and interference through this trial period. pray n tell him ma dear God can still touch his heart to forgive you. The heart and mind of king is in His hands so why worry?cos there’s something called NEMESIS.***smh**

  • Reply
    owoyemi
    October 18, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Hmmm.. Dis is kind of twisted bt vry easy. Infact d issue has been solved. U dated d father in d past and he is late. Y open old wound of ur past 2 destroy ur future? My advise is dis, ask God 4 forgiveness and forget u eva did dat and move on and enjoy ur marriage wt ur spouse..KAPPISH

  • Reply
    Steve
    October 18, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Dear Nina,

    I would advise you to open up to your spouse to be, if he truly love you, he will give you and accept you.

    Thanks goodluck to you

  • Reply
    Bonny Achifone
    October 18, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    My candid opinion on this is that it would have been too bad, but fortunately, it is not. It wouldn’t make any sense letting your fiance know. That happened in the past if truly you are strong believer like you said. Old things has passed away and behold all things are become new.

  • Reply
    Rotr. Uche Okolie.
    October 18, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I think u should tell him the truth about ur past. Though it will hurt him but if he really loves you to marry you,i think he’ll understand & forgive you. So pls tell him. Goodluck

  • Reply
    Rachel
    October 18, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Wow,this is a tough one`

    Wow..this is a tough one…it all depends on d kinda guy ur fiance is…if u can live with d guilt..i’ll rather u remain silent about it….

  • Reply
    Amara Obianuju
    October 18, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Nina, it’s a difficult thing to do but you just have to let him know about your relationship with the father. If he truely loves you and if his God’s will for you he will forgive you and move on with the marriage. Pls, don’t let your past hunt you especially now that you have known christ. We all have past mistakes but if christ can forgive us then, we have a future. God bless you as you take a bold step…

  • Reply
    Oge
    October 18, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Nina dear, I don’t think there’s any need for u to tell him. Wat u did was in d past. And u hav repented of it way long b4 u met ur man. It only becomes a sin nw if u go back to it and d father in question is late. I think u shld let sleeping dogs lie. Men are like babies and whether u like it or not, information like ds distabilizes them and even tho he assures u dat everytin is fine,wen d ups n downs of marriages starts cmin up, he may bring it up.. I think u should jst pray n ask God for d grace to pull through. Let sleeping dogs lie.

  • Reply
    Olutade Monisola Funmilola
    October 18, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Pls my dear sister 4 u to have peace of mind nd to enjoy ur marriage,pls let him know.

  • Reply
    promise
    October 18, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Don’t do this…unless u prepared to lose ur man..some secrets re best be buried…especially since the dad in question is dead…let it stay buried nd bear ur guilt.

  • Reply
    Austine festus
    October 18, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    My dear let the past be the past since the boy father is late bec if you tell him the story you may end up loseing your man, remeber how you ment is father be wise and enjoy your man best of luck.

  • Reply
    boli bi zaouli arsene
    October 18, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    ok i come to read your text i’m verry happy but runless because it is real relation between both of you and fiancé . Me i’m serose problem that i don’t no how can’i do for ti is a job after the scool i passed my exame BEPC after i had beeing oriented to surperieur scool where i did one year and in two year no personne ready to help me there is that i’m writing this letter to get other person who are ready to give there hand to catch thank-you that god bless us in our life .Amen!!!?????????

  • Reply
    Stephanie Saliu
    October 18, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    There’s no need if not ur goin to lose evrytin. He’s dead he’s dead d secret shuld b buried. You dint do it intentionally, u didn’t know u were goin to date his son. Sometimes things happen that we can’t just control. Destiny!

  • Reply
    Uju
    October 18, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Think God in his infinite mercy let you meet his son after his father had died, don’t go blowing it cos of your guilty conscience. The only downside I can forsee if you don’t tell your Beau is, one of his father’s friends myt recognise you and tell hid son. In as much as I feel you shouldn’t tell him, if you confront this demon now, it will be dead and buried. Only one of two things can happen, 1. He gets over it and calls it your past and goes ahead with the plan or 2. He calls tge whole thing off. However i’m still wondering how you will cope with looking his mum in the face knowing you were once her husband’s mistress. If I were the one tho I would just opt out cos I fear that even if GE forgives my past, he may use it to taunt me in the future and it won’t be nice.

  • Reply
    Cynthia ujunwa
    October 18, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Nina, let Ųя man к̥ŋ̊σω everything …it’s all in the past now. If b oth ☀̤̈̇f U̶̲̥̅̊ α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ meant †̥̥☹ ̷ßξ,he ‘ll stay Ω̴ if he walks out,then he Ȋ̝̊̅ڪ №†̥ Ųя man.

  • Reply
    osuoha chnonso lois
    October 18, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    my dear,tnk God u,ve released ur mistakes n ask fr forgivness, as for mi i tink u shouldnt tell him jst let d sleepn dog lie cos if u tell him it will definately hurt him.be wise

  • Reply
    cece
    October 18, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    nina what a pity but don,t worry since you said you are now a good christian no need to worry about that the man in question is death, the guilt is the result of the sin it will alway be there that is the bitter part of sin. but dear forget it if you have told him your past before you don,t need to mention names of people you have dated before but make sure you tell him your past because it help to build trust.

  • Reply
    stuch
    October 18, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    I’ll start by saying nothing is hidden under the sun. The father of your fiance is dead agreed, but remenber his friends might still be alive to recognize you someday. So I’ll advice you be the first to talk to your ‘man’ about Your unwise past and see what happens.

  • Reply
    Joy
    October 18, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Hi nina, u made a mistake by dating his father while u were in skul… Lets assume u were naive nd foolish but dat is in d past now.. I think u should let u fiance knw abt d affair u had with his dad… I knw dat no average man would want 2 marry a lady who has slept wit his dad but 4 d fact dat he is going 2 spend d rest of his life wit u, he deserves 2 knw.. If he trully luvs u, d marriage will stii hold. Say d truth nd d truth will set u free. If u were meant 2 marry him he’ll 4give u nd wat will be will surely be….. Take care

  • Reply
    tess
    October 18, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Dear nina,itz @ll in d past now nd ur now a changed person,God has done it by giving u a life partner.let’s face reality the man is late that ends d story of ur past if God dint rember it u shudnt tell your so to call husband 2 b,dnt tell him.assumn d man was alive den I will say spill it 2 him.may God give u d hrt 2 put ur past behind n forge ahead.

  • Reply
    olajohnson
    October 18, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Nah. Keep it secret. No man wants to know his wife has been a prostitute, much less with his own father

  • Reply
    Obioma JD LEONARD
    October 18, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    4sure thats A touching and cumbersome ISSUE,yes,a verse in one bible chapters says that things of the past should not come to mind,and i strongly believe that whateva sin there may be,the right judge is the one who is invisible and tru what u’v said that shows that u have felt remorse b4 God by showng a repentant attitude.i advice u to move on and stop raising late maters since the late soon-to-be fatherinlaw is no more,4sure God must have set things straight,4sure if u start remindng him ur past dirty activities,weather u hav changed or not as an imperfet human being it wl b very had for him to forget and ur thereby mocking God.in all be reasonable while making your final decision.tek care[JD LEONARD]

  • Reply
    vera
    October 18, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Goodday aunty steph, ♍ƺ advice to ur friend ȋ̝̊̅Ƨ̷̜̌̋ dat, she shouldn’t tell her fiance since the relationship has lead to marriage.N̶̲̥̅̊☺ sensable man will hear such thing & still continue with
    The marriage. Since dat man ȋ̝̊̅Ƨ̷̜̌̋ N̶̲̥̅̊☺‎ more alive,she should keep it to herself. Let it be between her, u her friend & God. And she should pray to God to 4give her sins so dat her marriage will be peaceful.

  • Reply
    bobby
    October 18, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Hmmm! Dis is a tough situation. I bliv its d best to discuss d whole of ur past with ur fiance so he can trust n defend u in future. However, there’r 2 sides to dis issue, u tell him now bearing in mind that u r ready for all d consequences dat follows it and u don’t say a word to him and those friends of ur late father in-law attend ur wedding and found dat u were once in dr past. Since u av given ur life to christ I bliv he has 4giving u and giving a brand new life n body, tlk to him let him teach u wat to do and aw to go abt it, tell him to silent all ur accusers whether in d past or present. God will take charge and he will give u double blessing for ur shame.

  • Reply
    sunday faruna
    October 18, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Destiny can be delay but can never be change.may be god want her in that family.my only advice 4 her is 2 follow her mind.so that she will not blame anybody later.

  • Reply
    prudence
    October 18, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I will advice,you don’t disclose such to him.that was your unversity mistake,which is suppose to remain that way.if you tell him that you slept wth his father,he will dump you.no man would want to marry a lady that slept with his own father.that dalemma will never leave him if he hears such.if you love him.don’t torment him,with the mistakes of the past.you are not the first lady that have slept with a married man.almost 75% of ladies have slept & still sleeping with married men.just ask God for forgiveness & allow the sleeping dog lie.thankGod the old man is dead.maybe that is the way God wants it.wsh you success in your married life

  • Reply
    mayano
    October 18, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    My advice to Nina is to go on her knee confess to God and ask for forginess after doing this and she found peace in her spirit then she can carry on with her husband to be ‘cos if she tells him, then she should be ready for the worse. Honestly, no man will want to marry a lady that his father has dated be it dead or alive. Good job Steph!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Reply
    mayungbe Bukonla Ibukun
    October 18, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Hmmm!wat a smal world!since now claim 2 av knwn God $ repented of ur past sins,d only tin I wd implore u 2 do is 2 restitute ur ways.tel it 2 God in prayers. U weren’t his father’s wife nau u only had a fling wth him out of youthfl lust in d past

  • Reply
    chukwuma sylvia kenechi
    October 18, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Helo Nina,” if a man is in Christ Jesus he is a new creature de old has past behold all tins ar bcome new” dnt alow ur past mistakes destroy ur future .let it go out of u foreva

  • Reply
    jennifer egbuonu
    October 18, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    in all honesty, i dnt think its necessary to share this with him, the man in Question is Dead and Gone…hence that takes away the possibility of being haunted by the truth later on, jst let sleeping dogs lie and go ahead with your relationship. some things are better left unsaid…Best of Luck

  • Reply
    mucharcha
    October 18, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    I’d say let the sleeping dog lie if you want to keep him. The way guys process informations is very different from women, he may never be able to forgive u. But of course since u’ve turned around your ways and wish to live a guilt-free life, you can go ahead and spill but prepared to lose your marriage except for the grace of God. So here is to your choice, I wish you luck.

  • Reply
    PeterA
    October 18, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Nina, since you are a strong believer of God, I pray you keep away your guilt and remain focus on your relationship bcos the bible says-old things shall pass away; you are a new person. Stay bless.

  • Reply
    ttiffany
    October 18, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Hi stephie dia,how ar u,yah dat thing nina gone thru,isn’t a new thing,ts just smthing happens smtimes,and as my advice to nina,is she has. To make sure she goes wth da mood of her fiancee if she wanna tell him so,coz I believe if she won’t tell him now it will kip on hornting her and ts gonna be a big deal later,so wat to do is nina to think bout da earlier da better.I believe if da guy really love her he will find a place smwhere on his heart to forgive her,she iznt da first one and morever she. Didn’t know dis could happen ,was just a foolish age.So sweetie stephie tell her to read her fiancees moo ,location and how to explain to him,she’s a grown gal she knows,when u wanna tell a men a sad storry how can u twist yoself as a woman.love ya.gud day

  • Reply
    Bose
    October 18, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Tell him everything.

  • Reply
    Ruth Stephen
    October 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    If i ws in hert shoes i’ll tell my husband to be because i wont want to hide anytin from him and if he loves me he’ll forgive me though it is going to hurt him so much

  • Reply
    ruth
    October 18, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    My dia,u don’t have to explain any tin becos he can use it against u ,just ask God forgiveness,it is a secret within u and God.

  • Reply
    Victor
    October 18, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Am of d view dat u shd jst forget abt d past.Dnt tel hm anytin,cos telling hm wud rather mak ur relationship to crumble,telling him has notin good to add to ur relationship so jst play ok since ur father in- law to b is already late.I pray this helps.

  • Reply
    Gloria Anieze
    October 18, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Tel him,clear ur contience,but never say u abort.

  • Reply
    ojo babatope
    October 18, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    In my candid opinion,you need to tell him and let him make his choice. Don’t you think you will come across his father’s friend one day.

  • Reply
    Emilia N.
    October 18, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    For me I see no reason of telling him de truth since he is death. Becos dat might end the relationship. Pray to God for forgiveness.

  • Reply
    Bb
    October 18, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Pls let the secret die with the man oh…….. Just forget it even happened

  • Reply
    Violet
    October 18, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    He may not find it funny O, though some men are not what we assume about them. Who/how is your fiance when it comes to anger, does he have a listening ear, when he forgive does he refer to your past? Then I would say tell him on time, and quit the relationship not for anything but for how you fill, and see his reactions. He may realize that it is not every woman that will open up like you, and that his father was also wrong though dead, and that if you are proud of it you wouldn’t talk. This time around he will not tell anyone but call you back for good, making ready answer for any intruder during and after marriage.

  • Reply
    Chidozie uzochukwu
    October 18, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    My dear nina you have to tell the man everything about you and his father don’t mind weda he go vase or quit the relationship.but i promise u that if the man is ur own husband that God will complete his work tank U.

  • Reply
    Mogun Nelvin
    October 18, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Men have large egos, since the father in question is late, it’ll be better if she deal with her guilt being a small price to pay compared to, if she tells the guy and he changes his mind, which she can’t ascertain, cos men can’t be predicted, he might be very caring and so much in luv with her but you can’t guarantee what he’ll do if he ever finds out that she was sleeping with his dad when he was alive, then, again, another twist to the story is, if its possible that some of his dad’s friends will recognize her and blow the whistle to the son….

  • Reply
    Nwode onyi
    October 18, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    My idear concern the matter, if i were she I have to let his him know what has happen in the past if she truely love his fiancee becide what if something is occor after marriage,it’s good for both to know there mind and being pray together and cancerl any obstacle that can hinda there way of marrige, although”it is not earser but you have to as christian.

  • Reply
    micmaureen
    October 18, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Dear Nina! I thank God that you are now a born again christian, those things you did were in the past and now you are a changed person. Remember that Bible said “for there is no condemnation against them that are in Christ Jesus, old things have passed away,everything have become new” and you know very well that Holy Spirit helps us to intercede. Now I want you to ask God for forgiveness, and still ask the Holy spirit to give the man the heart of forgiveness as you confess all your deeds to him for Bible says that “the heart of a king is in Gods hand”, then go ahead and confess to him ,he will forgive you,though he will be hurt. If you hide this,a day shall come that your secrets will be revealed and it will be very difficult for him to forgive you. So now, show him your love by confessing it to him with your mouth. Do not give room for satan to be accusing you and black mailing you with your past life,rather put the devil to shame. God will see you through in Jesus name, Amen.

  • Reply
    excobar steve
    October 18, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Dear Nani, try and tell cos someday, he will get to hear it and it was ur past life

  • Reply
    Jonathan
    October 18, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    I understand the state you are at the moment.
    Your guilt Ȋ̝̊̅§ as a result of your present personality and if you don’t keep things straight, there would be more guilt and your fiancee might get to know which won’t end well.
    A lots has happened I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ the past and the past has nothing to do with the future. Yes! But one can’t ignore certain issues such as yours.
    I would love you to have a heart felt talk with your fiancee on the issue; don’t be scared but show that you’re sorry.
    Your past won’t change the way he feels about you if he’s for you.

  • Reply
    eunice natasha
    October 18, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    To me I will say no, all you need to do is sake God forgivness, he will forgive you, he is a mercyful God, so gø on with ur marriage, is a mistake you weree lack of knoledge then so, what has happen has happend, what abt prostutudes, at the eend of the day a man still marry dem @ d spot, dt many pEple hv being slepping with, so continue with ur marrage

  • Reply
    Violet
    October 18, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Nina,”He was a randy man and used to come to the campus with some of his friends, and with the help of some popular male students, they’d organise girls for him. That was how I met him. I partied with him and his friends for like 6 months” This is why you are worried. How long can dis be secret, If the man died, the rest people?????? God has forgiven you, yes. But if this is a prize to pay b4 marriage go ahead and do it, than to face the urgliest situtuation after saying I do.What about your friends messing you up out there.

  • Reply
    dela
    October 18, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    pls tell him ur past if he really love u he wl forgive u.bcos u’ve met his father before u met him. but believe this if truly he is ur future husband, no matter what he wl understand u n forgive u.
    good luck.

  • Reply
    Chioma chegwe Sonia
    October 18, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    My dear believe me wen I say its a small world,a broken relationship is better Dan a broken marriage. Anybody related to your fiance or a friend or even an enemy may have been in d same university with u,dey may tell him in future or even blackmail you,so just try n tell him I know its very difficult,if he’s ur destined husband he will stay. Most men have met dia wife at brothels or have done worst tins,just bear it in mind Dat everyone has a past no one is an exception. May the perfect will of God be done in your life n if he decides to walk away, the same good lord will sure bring a better person,good luck as you free your heart of dis great burden.

  • Reply
    Uiid
    October 18, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    My dear d past is past. If truelly u’v given ur life to God,ask him to give u peace of mind and free u from the guilt. The bible says if any man is in christ he is a new creature old things are past way….I dont think his father waz the only man u slept with or had an affair with,wat if tommorrow u see one the guys too and he turns out to be his uncle, are u also going to contine telling him trash?Every man has got a past so just let it pass and move on with u life.But if u choose to tell him,hmmmmm.well ask for the help of the Holyspirit….May God help u

  • Reply
    chime
    October 18, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Well, its a difficult situation here but caution shoulld be made/taking. i would say that Ƴöů have to weigh the outcome, also, Ƴöů should know †ђξ kind of guy he Ȋ̝̊̅§ . However living I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ guilt of/from †ђξ past Ȋ̝̊̅§ not †ђξ best thing †̥ D̶̲̥̅̊Õ̳͡. Sit him down, make him understand Ƴöů truely L♥√ع him A̶̲̥̅π̲̣̣̥ϑ he should also have some level of trust I̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ Ƴöů. Tell him †ђξ story yourself b/4 someone else does, remember Ω̴̩̩̩̥☺ one Ȋ̝̊̅§ a saint, i ⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥A̶̲̥̅♏ sure he will always βε̲̣ U̶̲̥̅̊я̩̥̊ man if he truely loves Ƴöů.

  • Reply
    JOB ALI
    October 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    The brightest future will always be based
    on a forgotten past,
    you can’t go on well in life
    until you let go of
    your past failures and heartaches,if he realy luvs u;he will understand wen u tell him nd he is spouse 2 be hapi dt u tell him such tin,if i were him i will be hapi dt my gal culd be able 2 tell me such,dt means dere is notin she cn evr hild 4 me’my dear go on nd tell him,i tink dt is de better ida.tnks.

  • Reply
    motun
    October 18, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Please don’t! Just let the sleeping Dog lie! He won’t trust u again if u tell him..some words are just better left unsaid! Be wise!

  • Reply
    Ugonwa
    October 18, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    i dont think u should tell him, that was ur past and u pulled out of the relationship before the man died. no need feeling guilty about it, he may use it to spite u in future and if u cant stand it just walk away and not marry him. old things are passed away!

  • Reply
    chijioke emmanuel onwuka
    October 18, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    KAi this is nemesis,I will advice u tell d guy to stop seeing u infact ur not intrested with d marriage again.let him beg to c u but each time u c him cry so passionetely n dnt say a word 4 a week.finally open up 2 him but dnt tell him all d filty sad story since d baby is not alive but be brief.tel him dat his fadar once help u in d capus he was nice so u dated him.watch n c his reaction,it won’t matter anymore since he likes u cos all he want is 2 c u happy.am a specialist contact me 4 more issues I’ll brief u more.relax

  • Reply
    mustabz
    October 18, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    Hell no dear nina! u shld have done that ere the propasal. bt nw u have a load of worries to live with esp the other girls u hanged out with.
    adv: find a way of quitting without causing grave damage to ur friendship.

  • Reply
    Bietnaan Longbaam
    October 18, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Am yet to get my airtime oh my email is @missblongs I won airtime worth 10000 n I asked for airtel recharge card! Thank u

    • Reply
      stephaniedaily
      October 18, 2012 at 7:15 pm

      bietnaan, your N1000 recharge card digit was sent to you on september 30 to missblongs@yahoo.com. pls check ur email/spam. Thank you.

  • Reply
    Carchi
    October 18, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    Na wa o, it’s like finding out dat ur fiancee is d sister to one of d men who killed d aluu 4 [assuming one of dem were to be ur brother]. how do u xpect d person & d family to live wit such information. Nina dont even think of deceiving ursef. U knew from start or somwer along d line dat it’s glarin u must cal it quits. What would u do if u were d guy? Pls let’s not judge dis matter lightly. If u call d relationship off, i wil respect u; but if u enter into marriage without clearin dis matter on ground, i wil fear u. U r a changed person or so u say. My concludin answer to u is ”DO WAT U KNOW IS RIGHT FROM UR GODLY CONSCIENCE”. Only God know’s what dis world is turning into. thankyou Stephanie.

  • Reply
    choice
    October 19, 2012 at 12:07 am

    Nina, I believe right now u re in a confused state. Just comit everything into the hand of God. U have repented wht u did is in the past n is hunting u. If telling him will free ur conscience then do, it tell him but, b4 u do that, fast n pray to God to give ur fiance the grace to 4give u n erase it 4rm his memory. If it doesn’t happen like this u won’t be able to know what advice n lesson to give to ur children. U may not kw how to bring them up. Involve God in this ok!

  • Reply
    Should I share my secret with him? – Stephanie Daily – The Personal … | Love Advice
    October 19, 2012 at 9:47 am

    […] that nobody is perfect. evrybdy makes mistakes one time … … Originally posted here: Should I share my secret with him? – Stephanie Daily – The Personal … ← How Do I Get My Wife to Love Me Again – Marriage […]

  • Reply
    Chinedu
    October 19, 2012 at 9:49 am

    If truly you are born again and had stopped those acts since before meeting him, please dont tell him. One of the problems we Christians have is not God forgiving us but we forgiving ourselves when we had made a change in life. You never knew him then. Luckily, his father is late. Forgive yourself and march on. Feel free and enjoy your marriage. Nobody has no element of skeleton in his cupboard.

  • Reply
    MARYBLACK
    October 19, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    NINA LET D PAST BE BY GONE ND BE HISTORY

  • Reply
    fancy
    October 19, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Angel; dont even try to tell him, forget about the past, for saying it 0ut God has forgiving u.

  • Reply
    Diz
    October 19, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    You are a new creation, old things have passed away behold all things are now new. So my dear forget it… It will be bitter to swallow oooo.. My honest opinion. You are a changed person for Christ’s sake and besides this happened years back… abeg Babes go drink cold water and prepare for your marriage oooo and stop bothering ur head on what doesnt exist…. Best of luck

  • Reply
    Syreeta
    October 19, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Dear Nina,

    The truth will set you free. Isn’t it strange how you have come full circle to marry the son of the man you messed around with.

    It’s not as if you dated both of them at the same time. You found out later…and his father is late now.

    I will advise that you start your marriage with a clean slate – no skeletons in the cupboard that can jump out at you in the future.

    So pray to God for the grace and strength to get this off your chest. If your man is meant for you…then he will be yours.

    Remain blessed and be strong

  • Reply
    Ego
    October 19, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Trust when lost can not easily be gotten back especially with man.pls,don‘t let the past hurt ur future happiness by not letting him knw now.He will feel the pain becos it is his father & to u,it was a mistake.Remember,we all make mistake no matter how hard we try GOD will direct u!

  • Reply
    AOA
    October 20, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    God said confess your sin to HIM (GOD) and you shall be forgiven and not confess your sin to man, you are a changed person, he knows you had your share of experience in life that is enough, you do not need to give him details of who, why and how it happens anything happened. If the old man were to be alive the case will be different, match on with your life and be a wonderful wife to him. WISDOM IS PROFITABLE TO DIRECT…..

  • Reply
    f8
    October 20, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    i’l advice she doesnt tel him xcept he wants to abt her nd she shuld nt tel him she had an abortion 4 his father,it mite ruin d relationshp.

  • Reply
    Kiki B
    October 20, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Hmmnnn Nina,tbh I am an old fashioned person….honesty is important..but the fact that his father died b4 u met him does mean something…please don’t ruin what you have..there are some secrets that should REMAIN secrets….be wise dear…u weren’t dating him then,so you don’t owe him any explanation as per your past

  • Reply
    Ebony
    October 20, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    Nina wht if d guy had slept wit ur mum? U tink he wil tel u? See u had a tin wit d father wen u didn’t kn him so let ur past stay n d past…..we all mk mstks, sm cal it fun $ u had urs while it lasted……u tink ur he doesn’t hv his own share of d past? Buh he assumez it is nt important to tel u cus u weren’t there wen it hapnd $ cus he is in d “now” Future! Babe unless u dnt wnt to say I DO again, enjoy ur marriage jor $ frgt abt d old gist…..

  • Reply
    chriskewe.
    October 21, 2012 at 6:50 am

    I advise first u take it to God(prayers)for d holyspirt to direct ad Gods wisdom to help u in any of ur choice!talk to d lord he is d divine assurer of peace ad stabilty wen its stormy.he knows d best for u.if u loose him he has d best ad if u dnt he is d best.be calm

  • Reply
    moyo
    October 21, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    I would only advice the lady to tell the guy about her past and leave out stuffs about the guy’s father and if they have t o come back to the issue later in life and that is if at all the guy gets to know ,she could link it to d story she told him about her past,telling him might bring upon his scorn and his mother’s scorn

  • Reply
    andra
    October 21, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Tell gini?nne biko kip ur mouth sealed nd confess ur sins to God.

  • Reply
    Bootylcious diva
    October 21, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Dear Lina,

    The bible say when you are a new creature old things are passed away,for the fact that the father is dead,let it be ,you can only feel guilty if he was alive,now his dead ,so forget it and move on with your wedding plans.

  • Reply
    Doris
    October 23, 2012 at 8:30 am

    My dear, don’t know what to say but know that it is always good to let ur spouse know about your past to avert future issues. Am married and i told my hubby all about my past before we got married and he was okay with but when we are in an argument he always use it against me..it hurts alot but the fact that God has forgiven me and he knows keeps me at bay. PRAY HARD ABOUT IT AND LET YOUR INSTINCTS GUIDE YOU

  • Reply
    mama
    October 23, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    Look at these Nigerians oh! Lady, guilt, conscience or whatever is bothering you is secondary. It seems to me that you do not intend to keep your relationship with your bobo. Do you? Like, do you wanna marry him? Newsflash! The second you tell Oga that you shagged his Daddy, it is over!! Kaput! Finito! Try it and see. Would you marry a man who tells you he had an affair with your mother? He comes up to you and says “my baby, my love” I have something I wanna tell you, I slept with your mom. I was young and foolish and she enticed me with cash and gifts.” Tell me if you wouldn’t have fainted by now. I know I must sound harsh, but my sincere advice is this: I am a woman, I have a man who loves me, I wouldn’t wanna lose him. I did not shag his father, but I still do have secrets of my own that he must never ever find out. I won’t risk my relationship over a 50/50 chance of forgiveness or not. He may or may not forgive you. Do you really want to find out which? Go down on your knees, crawl on the floor, roll around your bedroom, alone, cry to God. He is the one who forgives every sin. He will repair your heart and renew your spirit. If you still think, after praying, that you should tell Oga, then fine. You will find someone else and start a new free life with. Take it easy. Its not the end, okay?

  • Reply
    joyce
    October 24, 2012 at 11:09 am

    please tell him. his father’s friend may com for the wedding and anything can happen, is better u tell him now my dearie

  • Reply
    olusoji folashade
    October 24, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    itmwill be better if u can share ur secret with him.although his father has died,what of some of his father’s friend that know u wen u’re dating his father.

  • Reply
    Mz.Bee
    October 24, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    ahaaaaaaaaa, serious something, sound like spider that i normally watch, someone like me, i will tell him the plain truth, i can not stand feeling guilty or miserable, there is nothing as beautiful as inner peace with the one you love, its all up to you!!!!

  • Reply
    Odiniya Emma
    October 29, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    This is a tough one…….. There are two options i feel u could handle this matter…….1. If u can bear the guilt, keep it to urself and let it die with u 2. If u cant bear the guilt, tell him the truth. If he really loves you, he will forgive u….. But i will advice u go with the first option

  • Reply
    naa
    October 31, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Hi dear

    Please don’t do this, don’t tell him anything, when you were dating his father, you didnt know him. its past and gone let bygones be bygones. I f you have confess to God and has really changed your ways, he has already forgiven you.

  • Reply
    2blunt
    December 7, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    i need a like button and a dislike button also, some comments are so shitty and some awesome, so i need to click d like, pls

  • Reply
    Ijeoma Okolie
    December 23, 2012 at 8:18 am

    The only possible outcome of a dating relationship based strongly on the following pillars; Openness, Sincerity and Trust is MARRIAGE……………Think about this………………..If you are truly a changed Person, I’ll advise that u apply the FOUR WAY TEST
    1. Is it the truth
    2. Is it fair to all concerned
    3. Will it build goodwill and better friendship
    4. will it be beneficial to all concerned

    The choice is yours, don’t be cajoled to make a choice you’ll regret for a lifetime. OPEN UP…….PRAY WITHOUT CEASING………APPLY WISDOM AND CAUTION.

  • Reply
    Ijeoma Okolie
    December 23, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Repentance+Restitution = Total Forgiveness.
    No man is infallible.
    U never knew he was his father then.
    Don’t let anyone make you feel condemned.
    We all have baggage.
    Jesus knew all this and chose to die for us while we were yet sinners.
    Overwhelming victory is yours.
    Let love lead.

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